More specifically, said cow completely ingested 1 pair of underwear and 1 sports bra. Other casualties include: 1 purple dress, 1 pair of gray leggings, 1 regular bra (ripped in half), 1 blue long sleeve shirt, 1 pair of yoga pants, 1 orange quick dry shirt and one teal tank top.
It was a beautiful Saturday morning…
Due to having strep throat and a migraine all week, I was a bit behind schedule (2 weeks) for doing laundry. Now that I was back on my feet I decided it was time to make use of the washing machine at our ministry.
My webbing was tied from a pipe over to the top of a post in the barbed wire fence, and my shorter clothes line was tied between at the top of 2 fence posts above the barbed wire. I hadn’t seen any cows on this side of the complex, so I felt safe and satisfied when all of my clothing was blowing in the sun-warmed breeze.
Well, hello there…
45 minutes later, I ventured back behind the house to check overall dryness. When I rounded the corner a shriek escaped my lips because a large black cow was standing at the fence, jerking my leggings away from its horns. Apparently, I shocked the cow about as much as it had shocked me, and it trotted away.
As it fled the scene, I noticed part of my bra on the ground. I glanced back up at the line, and I noticed a gap: 1 pair of undies and 1 sports bra were completely gone from the line where I had clipped them. There weren’t any remnants on the ground, they hadn’t been wrapped on the cow’s horns, and I didn’t see them leaping down the mountainside singing “the hills are alive with the sound of panties,” I came to a conclusion: The cow ate my underwear… whole.
I began inspecting my clothing as I pulled it off the line (as well as a few items I had carefully placed between the barbs of the fence). Cow slobber was coating my gray leggings, orange quick dry shirt, the sleeves of my long sleeve shirt and the left leg of my yoga pants… yum. Other clothes had been yanked around the barbed wire, but I have a sewing kit. I didn’t think my clothes inside of the fence were within snacking reach, so I went inside to tell my teammates and rinse off the cow slobber.
Apparently, it wasn’t finished…
After showing the people in the kitchen what the curious snacker had done, I opened the door and glanced over at the clothes line. The evil bovine had reached far over the fence, and he now had the only dress I had brought on the race between his lips! I ran over to the fence yelling at the cow. It released my tattered dress and sauntered out of slapping distance. 5 or 6 teammates came outside to see the commotion, laugh and take pictures while I collected the rest of my clothing. (In hindsight, I should’ve leapt the fence, ripped off his horns and stabbed him with them… Then we’d all be eating steaks tonight.)
Friends and future racers,
Beware when cows are near. I failed to use my logic (there wasn’t a precedent for this). Just because cows have never come near that particular fence doesn’t mean they won’t come a-snacking when they smell freshly laundered undies.
As much as I might want the evil cow to die of intestinal blockage, it’s really a hilarious situation. I might laugh at more freely when half of my clothes aren’t holy. Cows really are delicious and beautiful creatures, so I’ll try not to hold a grudge.
I hope this has given y’all good chuckle,
Emma
