Logistically speaking, I am in Kazakstan.
Spiritually speaking, I am walking in FAITH.
It has been a rollercoaster of feeling like a failure, to questioning the purpose of life to feel confident in the fact that I, Emily Madison Scott first of her name, am walking in faith. With complete confidence in God, His Timing, and His Plan I lay my agenda at His feet. I am here to listen to his purpose for me for this 11 month journey, for the month I am in Kazakstan, and for today. l have the opportunity to partner with God everyday. His hand is outstretched, ready to climb higher, and he is waiting on me to grab ahold.
I have discovered this month that it is remarkably difficult to grab ahold of His hand when my hand is full of something else. I have my hand full of success, or, perhaps more accurately the illusion of. This came to light during our full squad travel day earlier this month, where I ended the 20+ hour travel day feeling like a complete failure.
Failure is defined as a lack of success.
Does failure define me?
To tackle that, I need to know what am I created for.
I believe I am created in the likeness of Gods image. (Genesis 1:27)
I believe I was born into a fallen world. (Genesis 3:15)
I believe I am not of this world. (John 17:16)
I believe my purpose in this life is to do good for the glory of God. (Ephesians 2:10)
I believe I am called to walk in faith. (Hebrews Ch. 11)
I do not believe I was created to be successful in this world.
Lacking something I was not created to be can not define me.
Faithful I remain. Failure I retire.
Matthew 16:23-26 – “Jesus turned and said to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men.” Then Jesus said to his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul?””
At the end of the day, what really matters? To achieve worldly admiration at the cost of moral integrity? Or to attack every situation with fists or righteousness and love? I believe the answer lies in the latter. My life is not going to look successful according to the world’s standards. I believe that is the reality of the journey I am on. I will make whatever sacrifice necessary to grow closer to God and to work alongside of Him by share the love of Jesus here on earth.
I believe we were created by a loving God, a God who designed us to have a relationship with Him. I believe the world distracts us from this intended purpose. I would rather have someone, or in my case a team of people [thanks Agape], to be by my side when I miss the mark than achieve a goal alone. I can not rationalize a scenario of happiness for myself that is apart from Christ. Apart from Christ there is death. Worldly success results in temporary fulfillment. But what remains is the God sized hole I was so focused on filling through my achievements. In the end, it is a diploma on the wall. In the end, it is an additional comma on a bank statement. In the end, it is a fancy title. In the end, it is death.
This is me Lord, letting go of trying to be a successful person. I drop this at your feet. I am broken and I need you. I am holding tight to your outstretched hand. Lets climb higher, together.
