The past few days I’ve said to myself “this is the last time I’ll ___ for a while, so I’m going to ____” many, many times.
This is the last time I’m going to wake up in my cozy bed for a while, so I’m going to enjoy it for a few extra minutes.
This is the last time I’m going to see my family for a while, so I’m going to look around and notice all the details of their expressions and laughs and mannerisms.
This is the last time I’m going to see snow for a while, so I’m going to crunch my boots in it a little extra so I can remember what it sounds like and feels like.
This is the last time I’m going to drink my coffee at this kitchen table for a while, so I’m going to pick a good mug and savor every sip.
This is the last time I’ll drive through my hometown for a while, so I’m going to drive slowly and look around and remember the most ordinary moments.
I think I’ve noticed that I’m moving through my days with a lot more intention this week. That’s not to say I’ve been productive in every single moment, but I’m learning that intentionality does not equal productivity (even if our culture is teaching us the opposite).
Tomorrow morning I’ll get on a plane to regroup with my squad in Atlanta for a few more days of training! And (fingers crossed, saying all the prayers) we’ll be flying to Guatemala at the end of the week to start ministry!
My bags are packed and (just barely) within our weight requirements. I’ve considered and reconsidered every item I’m taking with me, and I think I’ve said “but it weighs like nothing, so I think I’m going to bring it” to myself and my friends almost a million times. (Spoiler: somehow even if every item weighs “like nothing” somehow they all together end up weighing too much… haha)
In considering everything to bring, one bigger decision I made (and you already read it in the title of this blog) is that I’ve decided to not bring my Bible!
And before you jump down my throat or call me a heretic, please hear me out.
I bought my first Bible (and actually began reading it) during sophomore year of college. It’s the only physical Bible that I have used in the past 6 years! It’s full of underlines and sermon notes and highlights and arrows and thoughts and prayers. I have names and dates written beside verses that were read at friends’ weddings, and have written their names beside the “life verses” of my dearest friends.
There are some pages that are hard to read because I’ve spilled coffee or circled something so many times. There are other pages that are mostly empty and highlight to me where I need to grow in my knowledge of the Bible more. There are pages that are wrinkled and worn, notecards taped in and little placeholders from friends in different sections.
So if my Bible is full of all my notes, all my prayers, all my underlines, encouragement from friends and pastors and mentors, why am I not taking it?
When I was also in college (new to Jesus, new to reading the Bible, and certainly new to letting what I read in the Bible have any impact on my life), a woman at my church told me why she had so many Bibles on her bookshelf.
She shared with me and my best friend how she would buy a new Bible at the beginning of new seasons in life. She started using a new Bible on her wedding day, when each kid was born, when her family moved towns, etc. She explained how she loved to see what she was learning in every new season and which sections of her Bible became the most worn.
So why am I not taking my Bible? Because I bought a new one!
The margins are blank, but the Word of God is rich. The emptiness of the white space on the pages makes me expectant about what God is going to do and teach me over the next 11 months.
And while this may seem like a small thing to you, it feels like a big thing to me.
I’ve noticed recently that I sometimes rely on the notes in my margins when I’m reading or teaching the Word. Some of the notes are my own thoughts and connections, but most of them are words from pastors, quotes from my favorite Bible teachers and authors, and things that other people have told me.
I heard in a podcast recently, “I don’t want to know what someone else thinks about what someone else thinks about what someone else thinks about the Word of God… I want to know the Word of God for myself.” And that’s where I’m at now. I want to know it up close and personal, without the crutch of what younger me was learning for the first time.
In 24 hours, I’ll be in Atlanta getting hugs from my squad mates for the first time in 2 months! And I’m so excited for it!
Please pray for:
– health for my squadmates and leadership. We have a few people joining launch late due to quarantines, so pray for their recovery and that no one else on the squad would be sick!
– the transition for every Racer leaving their friends and family. For comfort and peace beyond understanding.
– my fundraising! I am 70% funded!!! At this point, I’m looking to just finish the process! I have about $5000 left to raise before being fully funded and able to stay on the mission field all 11 months! God has absolutely blown me away, and I’m expectant to see Him continue to work in this process.
As always, thanks for reading and supporting the blog! If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to reach out! 🙂
