Over the past few months God has been teaching me a lot about expectations. Leading up to the race, I remember numerous people cautioning me to leave my expectations at home. As I departed for my journey I thought that the only expectation I was leaving with was the presumption that God would be at work while I was on the field. What I didn’t know was that previous racers weren’t necessarily talking about “big” expectations such as doing the extreme adventure activities or partnering with a preferred type of ministry. They were also referring to the seemingly small things, like the assumption that you would have electricity or water, accessible wifi in a very westernized country, the ability to get a ride somewhere on an off day, etc.
As I move along on this journey, I learn repeatedly that the plans I have for myself are not a guarantee—not even the smallest things. In Swazi one of my squad mates mentioned that he had worked with BEAM Africa, the ministry we were going to be partnering with in South Africa. I began asking questions about the ministry and was thrilled to get the inside scoop on what his team did while they were there. He explained that in the mornings they taught a life skills course, and in the afternoon they played with children at an after school center. My face lit up! YES, this sounded like it was going to be my month (ministry wise). I loved the idea of helping people with the job search/developing life skills, as well as encouraging them to find purpose in life. I once read a quote that said, “the place God calls you is where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.” In my mind, I was certain that this was where my passion, business degree, and faith would intersect.
When we arrived in South Africa, we sat down with our host to discuss what our days would look like. I was eager and excited to hear about the life skills course. I couldn’t wait to work with young adults. However, much to my surprise, we discovered that we had missed the latest course by two weeks. We would not be helping with any of these courses. Upon hearing this, I felt a pang of disappointment in my heart. The month I had envisioned was turned upside down. I struggled internally for a few days…but after processing everything, I decided that whether I was looking forward to what we’d be doing or not, I needed to press into the month with optimism and open-mindedness. I struggled with the fact that we’d be doing children’s ministry again, but came to the realization that if God had placed me in this type of ministry again, there was a reason. There is purpose in everything.
As the month progressed, my heart for the kids at the center, the volunteers, and our host family grew larger with each new day. We developed relationships with everyone at BEAM Africa and learned their stories…incredible, inspiring stories that gave me hope. Children’s ministry wiped me out at times, but I found immense joy in the endless hugs and special moments spent with the kids. God taught me to see the children and people we encountered through His eyes, and He taught me to wait on Him when I can’t quite see the bigger picture.
On the race, I’ve learned that my expectations are often far different from what the Lord has planned for me. It can be frustrating, it can be disheartening, and it can be a tough pill to swallow…but I am constantly reminded that God is faithful, and that He works all things for good. (Romans 8:28). As hard as I try, it is nearly impossible to prevent myself from developing hopes or expectations on this journey, but I believe that’s okay. God created me with the ability to have dreams and aspirations. The problem is when I become angry or cynical because God’s will gets in the way of my own plans. It’s when I stop looking for the beauty in the circumstances He has placed me in because things haven’t turned out how I wish they had. There is so much joy to be found in each day, but we have to continuously focus on being intentional about seeking it. Ministry in South Africa looked much different than what I had initially pictured, but God blessed me in ways that I couldn’t have imagined. He blessed me richly through the hospitality of our hosts and the extraordinary people we came into contact with. He gave me tranquil mornings to spend beautiful quality time with Him. He gave me meaningful friendships with my hosts’ children, opportunities to rest, deeper unity with my team, and He pushed me to grow in so many different areas as an individual. I am thankful that month 3 didn’t turn out how I expected because the month God had in mind for me was much more fruitful than the one I had planned for myself!
Xoxo,
Em
