July 4th at 5 am my Uber driver pulled up to my condo and took me to the airport. She wished me safe travels and I told her to have a fabulous 4th.
I went through security. Grabbed some coffee and a not so yummy bagel, pretty sure I could have chipped a tooth trying to eat it lolol and then I got to my gate and sat down. I was crazy tired but super pumped to see my best friend in her exciting new city, Washington D.C.
Then this wave came over me.
I felt nauseous.
I got real hot.
My vision was funky.
I remember taking my chokers off, felt like I couldn’t breathe.
Confused as to what was happening, I immediately started praying and put on some worship music. I took some deep breaths. It lasted maybe 5-10 minutes.
Never in my life have I ever experienced anything like that. Then it hit me!
Being at the airport triggered an anxiety response, or attack, PTSD episode (whatever you want to call it) within me.
Let me explain..
See 2 years ago was the last time I flew. I was flying from JAX, where my internship was, to ATL. I had received the hardest news of my life, my dad had suddenly passed away. I was alone, numb and in shock.
Isn’t that crazy how our bodies work, like subconsciously my body caused that reaction within me?!
I share this because I was hit with the reality that people go through some tough things but they aren’t meant to go through them alone (honestly wanted to ignore/ brush off that this happened at all but God kept telling me to share).
I love focusing on the positives, joking, laughing and shy away from the negatives. But through my grieving and healing these past couple of years God has taught me that sometimes life isn’t always sunshine, lollipops, rainbows and happy things but that’s ok. We have to be ok with talking about the tough stuff. He’s there with us. He NEVER leaves our side. He wants us to invite other people into the mess, into the ugly.
So I just want to say thank you to everyone that has encouraged, loved, and supported me. Even on the hardest days God has felt close because of you.
Praying that was a one time response but now I know how to react and I’ll have a whole squad of people traveling with me and you know what Jesus says about that,
“where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I with them.” (Matthew 18:20)
Beyond pumped for this adventure we are about to take in 20ish days, AHHHH!
PRAISE REPORT: I only have $5,600 left to raise to be fully funded which means y’all have raised $13,000!!!!! Y’all rock! Thank you. thank you. thank you thank you.
P. S I thrived in D.C I think I am meant to live in a city, with bike lanes, at some point in my life. Thanks Morgan for showing me such a good time!!! Love you homie quan.
P. S P.S.- my dad used to sing sunshine, lollipops, rainbows and happy things all the time and one day I looked it up. I suggest you do the same- it’s a baller song! It describes how I’ve been feeling lately as I prepare for the World Race!
