A few weeks ago, at our mid-point debrief, I was raised up as Lead Storyteller for my squad. This leadership role means that myself and my co-story leader, Natalie, lead our squad in sharing what is happening here on the mission field with others. This looks like casting vision on why blogging is so important, helping our squad come up with blog ideas, aiding them in the writing process, encouraging them to meet the expectation of 1 blog a week, and helping with World Race storytelling projects. Basically, if telling a story is involved, whether that’s my own story or someone else’s, Natalie and I are in the middle of it.
Writing has always been a huge passion of mine, so I stepped into this role with complete open arms. Our main role is leading our squad in storytelling, but what caught my attention the most was the possibility of helping Adventures in Missions, the organization that puts on the World Race, with storytelling projects. I’m always looking for ways to step out of my comfort zone, so the thought of being apart of a fancy, super professional marketing job was too enticing.
Then, we were actually asked to help with a project. And let me tell ya, my previous high morale and eager spirit disappeared almost immediately.
My gap year squad and 3 other 11n11 squads met up for a 2-day convention called Awakening earlier this week. 11n11 is another form of the World Race, allowing 21 – 35 year olds serve in 11 different countries in 11 months. All the Story Leaders from each of the 4 squads were asked to come together and gather content from the convention. The main goal was to show God’s glory and all that He’s doing through written blogs, photos, and videos. I came in really excited to grow myself in sharing other’s stories, however, I was almost immediately aware of my lack of experience with professional writing, videography and photography after meeting the other squad’s Story Leaders. Some had degrees in journalism, others went to school for media production and had access to more high quality technology than I did. I left our first meeting confused and overwhelmed by all the insanely creative ideas thrown out and the videography talk about lighting and exposure and what frame setting to have your camera on. The other Story Leaders were older, more educated and had way more experience than I did (which isn’t that hard because my experience level is at negative 100) and boy was I intimidated. I walked away wondering how in the world I got asked to be a Story Leader and couldn’t stop comparing myself to the wonderful and talented women I had just met.
The idea I threw out was to create a Gap Year focused video. Something my squad has talked about since meeting each other at training camp was that there’s not much Gap Year content out there. We wished there was more in-depth info by racers on the field to get a better feel about what this program is and I decided that our squad should be the ones to create that content, rather than just wish for it. My video idea involved interviewing people from our squad on what World Race Gap Year is, why they chose to do a 9-month mission trip and how God is moving in and through them, as well as interviews from 11n11 racers that have lived with some Gap Year racers. My heart behind this was to portray older missionaries’ opinions on what we’re doing, as we’re doing extremely similar things just at very different times in our lives. Just a brief look into what World Race Gap Year is from multiple perspectives. The other Story Leaders supported this idea all the way. The next feat was actually executing it, and with my limited video making skills, stress and anxiety about a project that has so much potential consumed me.
With my personality, I don’t do things half way. And I like everything I do to be done with the highest quality possible. This video project is something I really felt God put on my heart and He definitely gave me a fierce passion for it. However, initially this passion led me to fearing failure because of my inexperience. I know what this video could be, but that place of doubt in my heart didn’t trust the Lord to use me to bring it to fulfillment.
During the Awakening, a stranger approached me with something they said the Lord needed me to hear. They told me to think about a sailboat. How it doesn’t need an engine or a motor; the only thing it needs is the wind. She then told me to think of myself as the sailboat and God as the wind. That I didn’t need to try to be anything more than I already am, that I just needed to work with the wind to get across the waters. If I just rely on Jesus and work with Him, He’d get me to where I need to be. This woman didn’t know my name or my new leadership role or anything I was currently struggling with. It was the most beautiful reminder from God that my inexperience doesn’t mean a thing to Him. It won’t stop Him from using me and it won’t hinder His power. His glory will shine regardless.
He is slowly breaking down my perfectionist mindset day by day. Continuing to let me know that I can’t earn His love. Whether this video ends up being incredible and gets thousands of views or it turns out sloppy and nobody cares to watch it, His love for me will be the same. Abundant and relentless.
I am currently walking through the editing process of the video project and I constantly have to remind myself to just work with the wind. Just as I am is more than enough.
