To be completely honest, saying goodbye to everyone and everything in just four weeks terrifies me. I hate the idea of not seeing my family and friends for an entire nine months. As I watch those around me leave for college and start to visualize saying goodbye to my family, I find myself with this pitiful feeling in my heart. I think of what it will be like watching everyone’s life from a distance. It’s like this slowly growing heartache that I would rather just avoid.
Even though I am beyond confident the World Race is exactly what God has put in front of me, there’s been this little part of me that refuses to relax in the direction I am heading, no matter how excited I am for everything ahead.
The other night I was headed home from a friends house, driving down the same roads I’ve driven my entire life. I found myself both nostalgic and emotional, which seems to be happening quite a bit lately. I was upset about having to say goodbye to my friend. As I sat there, near tears (dramatic, I know), the perfect song came on. It was “Nothing I Hold Onto” by Will Reagan and W O W- it resonated so deeply and wonderfully. The song is simple and rotates between three lines. The one that stood out the most goes like this –
“I give it all to you God, trusting that You’ll make something beautiful out of me.”
This. No matter the heartache or uncertainty I feel at points, I know God has such a broader vision for me. I am making my way towards something that glorifies Him, even if it does come with some pain. As I sat there in my car, I felt assured by these three things –
1. I’m not alone in feeling this way
2. I can use these emotions to bring more light to the Lord
3. God is using me no matter what (!!)
An abundant amount of peace was found when I took a moment to actually realize the power of that simple lyric and the truth behind it.
With this being said, I think the small revelation can go for anyone; not just an eighteen year old leaving home for the first time. Regardless of what is happening (let’s be real, life can get messy), God is using us for something far greater. He is molding our hearts to know Him better as long as we simply focus on something bigger than ourselves.
So as I sit here and attempt to express how I’m feeling these days, I’m filled with quite a bit of hope. Much more than I’ve felt in the past. While I’m still not mentally prepared to say goodbye to those around me, I know that this heartache is worth it. I’m about to experience nine months of life like I could never imagine and I am confident God will work in some pretty awesome ways. He has constantly been preparing me as I get ready to leave. Even when the goodbye’s get hard, I need to give it all to Him, trusting that good will come out of it. God can do some pretty neat things if we open our hearts up.
Thanks for reading and walking through the Race with me. As previously stated, I leave in four weeks to meet my squad before flying to India. As insane as that is to me, I know I’m ready. Continue to pray for all us preparing for launch – it is deeply appreciated. PLEASE know that I want to see as many people as possible between now and launch. If you’ve got some time to spare let me know, I would love to see you!! To keep up with me throughout the time I’m gone, hit the subscribe button under my picture at the top of this page and enter your email. That way you’ll get an update anytime I post! Super simple and quick. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!
FUNDRAISING- I have $1,000 left until I am fully funded. I am blown away thinking about how far I have come since October because of the generosity of people. I cannot thank you enough. If you are interested in donating, you can do so at the top of this page where the orange “donate” button is. My goal is to be fully funded before I leave!
Much love,
Emily
