We had an opportunity to line up and be baptized by fire last Monday. Honestly had no idea what I was getting into. But I needed to be on my knees. So I’m in a line and on my knees praying and asking for the Holy Spirit to come be inside me and give me a new experience of the Spirit. And I find myself repeating the phrase “I am limiting the Holy Spirit, I am limiting the Holy Spirit, I am limiting the Holy Spirit.” And I’m crying as I realize I am the one holding myself back and I ask to not be the limiter. Two of our leaders come to me and lay hands on me. One of them places his hand on my side and it feels like its burning. And I have no idea what he is praying but I began to feel this deep swell of energy or heat or fire, I have no idea what, building from deep in my bowels. And it starts building and building and growing upward through my body. It starts to feel like a massive something is about to be thrown up out of me and I have a gag reflex but just before anything comes up in sinks back deep within my body. And then it begins to swell again and build in my body and then just before I throw up it sinks into me again. Then it’s as if my body surged with energy and almost like a big twitch or convulsion occurs and I fall even deeper into the floor. I didn’t think it was possible to go any lower but I did. And my body went completely limp and I could feel this warmth surround my entire body. The only way I can describe it is that it was as if God was holding me in His arms and I felt so comforted and warmed and loved all in one moment and in the next moment it was over. It was like I was then paralyzed and the experience was but a memory.
Tuesday morning I was hungry for more of whatever happened so I began praying in my room asking for more. I felt the urge to lay flat on my back on my bed. I lay there and begin trying to lay completely limp, letting go of anything my muscles were trying to hold onto. In a split moment I find my body surge with this compulsive energy. Then immediately my mind grabs control back over as I try keeping my mind conscious and aware of what happened. It’s like I didn’t want to miss out on what was happening so my mind called me back to being in control. This happened a few times as I let go of control and surged with energy and then again mentally and physically grabbed the control back. The only way I can describe it is as if I found a thin line of control that if I let go of myself and crossed the line I began having a surge of something take over and then when I returned to the other side of the line I was still in control and lay still. I didn’t understand what was happening but I knew I wanted to feel what it’s like to completely be on the other side of that line of control so I pray and beg God to help me completely let go of control and stay there.
As soon as asking Him for that, my body began moving uncontrollably and my mouth began speaking things without me even thinking about it. I continued in this state for some time. I then felt that deep energy or heat or something deep inside me again and could feel my body trying to wrestle it out. It felt like I was exerting so much energy yet I was completely out of control of what was happening. My body convulsed and moved and wrestled like this for awhile and then suddenly it all stopped. I then felt like there was no need to wrestle, that it was taken care of and I was free and I felt this overwhelming need to get to my knees and praise God for whatever had just happened. When I had digested this experience, I left my room and knew something was changed.
I feel like what had occurred was a wrestling between my own desires of having control and of the Holy Spirit having control. I know it sounds crazy but that’s what it felt like and then what happened the next day is even crazier.
Fast forward to midday Wednesday and we are downtown at the market and I still feel like something crazy is happening inside me. It’s like I am seeing everything in a different lens. I feel so bold and filled with life and like I’m ready to pour out whatever is within me to whoever is ready.
So we are in the market and my attention keeps being taken by people who have physical disabilities. People with casts, braces, crutches, wheelchairs, limps, missing eyes, etc. I begin praying for anyone who walks by with a noticeable problem. It’s like time didn’t matter anymore and I could stop for each person and lay hands on them and pray. Plenty of people were surprised by the offer to pray over them and most simply walked away thankful and with a peaceful spirit. This happened several times and I just felt like there were more people to pray for so I kept going. I then saw a woman behind us on crutches. I go up to her and ask her (motion to her because she doesn’t speak English) what is wrong with her leg. She shows that both of her legs do not work. I offer to pray and then get on my knees and place a hand on each leg and begin praying. I’m only half sure what came out of my mouth because the same feeling as the days before came over me and a bunch of what some might consider gibberish came out. In my heart I knew I was crying out to God to heal this woman. Once finished I ask her to check and see if there is any change. She tries wobbling and says a little but I could tell not much. I feel like I need to pray again so I get back down and repeat. I begin praying and asking for the same thing but this time the last thing that came out was in English and it was a powerfully spoken, “In Jesus’ name, walk!” I stand up and ask her to try moving again. She takes her crutches a little away from beneath her arms and puts weight on both legs and begins walking forward. Her face said it all. She looked up at me with wide eyes and an amazed face. She starts saying “Merci, merci merci!!!”
What the what! The woman was healed in the name of Jesus Christ! Literally beneath these fingertips, God healed that woman. Jesus has authority over everything in this world. Over my heart being transformed and moved by the Holy Spirit and over every cell, bone, and muscle in that woman.
Praise to God as He moves in me, through me, and for His Kingdom. And even as I write these things I still like I’m crazy and that this is abnormal. But the truth is that He gave those who believe in Him the gift of healing. It is NOT abnormal for things like this to occur. It’s abnormal that we don’t let it happen more frequently. He wants us to use these gifts that He has given us. I can’t wait to see what miracles are next!
