Sharing this journey with y’all is going to be amazing. But it’ll take some honesty and boldnes, some of my heart being opened up for eveyone to see.. I strongly believe that Christ wants us to share and be vulnerable because Your Story Matters, (A wise man named Coert Voorhees once told me that). In session last night following an amazing hour of worship, my father touched my heart in a restoring way that I just need to share with y’all!!! Something special happened: I was invited back into the house of God As his daughter!! Or let me rephrase that, the invite has always been there but I reached out and grasped it. To be honest with everyone, I was in a desert coming into this week. I haven’t felt my connection with Christ that I always have. I felt distant and undeserving of his love. I felt incapable.. how could I possibly go across the world sharing the gospel if I’m broken myself? All I wanted was an irradical, earth shaking message from Christ to affirm the reality that I already know is Truth in my soul, that God is real and I was truly called to this trip. 250 new faces brought on comparrison and lonliness. So much fear and desperation coming from a girl that was so sure this was her calling. It’s been hard, let me be real with ya!
But, how selfish am I!? Why would I need reassurence of Gods love?? He has loved me since BEFORE I was born!!!!! Why do I need to feel capable??? The pressure is off of us to share the Love of God with the world! We are only doing his work completely through him. ’Emily don’t pride yourself, it’s all him. You’re just there to be a part of it!‘ How could I doubt who he is and his presence? Isn’t that selfish when you clearly know by your faith that he is present? And lastly, those 250 faces are your brothers and sisters all equally seen as beautiful in our fathers eyes. See them that way, no comparison needed.
So many lies!!! But hey, I am broken and I EmBrAcE that! No need for perfection in my fathers house. His love is powerful and we are his princes and princesses! Rest in the peace of faith and you will be redeemed as I was last night. My vision is clearer than ever simply because even in my season of frustration I never stopped seeking him!!! How powerful. But then this happened, after the realization God spoke another thing into my heart… it was easy to get so down and hard on myself because I doubted in the first place. If you relate, knock it off!!! Please (: Yes, strive to be like Christ, but stop being so hard on yourselves folks. Sheep happens!! (The amazing speaker said this last night and I hope you get the punny joke cause it cracked me up!!). And sheep happens again and again. So give yourself the grace God gives you. We are his sheep and he FORGIVES. And he loves!!! Trust in your truths. If you want more truth then seek it! I did last night as I realigned my heart and stopped turning to the world— I turned to Christ. Restoration.
There’s always room for more restoration, don’t stop seeking more. Gods got so much grace to give. (:
