I've been home now for a week or so and transition has been easier than I expected. It actually feels TOO normal, too familiar, too 'just like I left it' here.
While sitting at Traveler Pick-up at the airport, I started seeing Michigan State hats, Michigan license plates, hearing Midwestern accents and when I leaned over to ask the lady next to me a question, but realized I didn't have to first ask her if she spoke English, I started crying.
My first time in Walmart I cried too, I felt really ridiculous walking through the underwear isle, trying to get to electronics, with tears in my eyes. I'm sure everyone thought I was a nut. I had heard stories about people going into supermarkets and trying to choose between the 200 types of toothpaste you could buy and breaking down, but I figured that wouldn't be a problem for me. After all, we finished in Europe and I spent two more months in Italy and France, with huge, somewhat westernized supermarkets. However, I didn't realize HOW different they were until I got into WalMart.
First of all, size 600DDD bras or however large they were stick out in my memory while walking around WalMart and rediscovering full-on Americana. Size XXX people, southern drawls (yes, even in Michigan), blue jeans everywhere and baseball hats, not to mention the parking lot full of giant pick-up trucks. I didn't realize how "American" America was until I left for a year.
I saw a friend from church who just came back from the A Squad with the World Race and even seeing her, a sister in Christ and a former World Racer, I started tearing up. Just the thought of someone to relate to, relate to how I see America and little ol' Kalamazoo, MI. We didn't get a long time to talk, but it sounds like she was going through similar things.
I've been handling reemergence back into life fairly well, but I have just been on the brink of tears a lot more than I normally am. Especially when I think about the 44, or however many, people where on my squad and even more when I think about the 7 girls that had been on teams with me.
Through this all though, I realize even more that I have a problem showing my love for these people. Thinking about them and missing them will bring me to tears, but my dislike for talking on phones, Skype or really any media device has been a problem for my relationship with them. It has been a problem with my family and other long distance friendships I've withheld. I like talking in person 1,000 more, but I'm realizing that I'm not honoring them or my relationship with them.
I've learned a lot about love languages this past year and how you need to know how you feel loved so you can ask for it when it isn't there and appreciate it when it is. It also allows you to love people in the way they feel love the best and create an honoring, loving relationship between you two. My top love languages are physical touch and quality time. I want to spend TIME with people and I just love hugs!
I guess I just want to apologize to people that I haven't talked to since I've been home, written notes, gotten a cell phone or bothered much with Skype. Even though I am loving not having a cell phone at the moment, I am going to get one soon. I want to honor my friends and family and show them that I love them. I don't want my lack of appreciation for modern technology to shot the opposite.
This is just something I'm struggling with and would appreciate your prayers and accountability. If I haven't gotten a hold of you (which is pretty much everyone), I give you permission to write me an email or something, demand communication! 🙂
I am bad at communicating my love to people, even if I am living with them. I want the Lord's love to shine through me, overflowing within me and if I am asking for this from God, then I need to be able to show it. I want you all to know how much I love you and to see God's love shining through me!
