“Trials must and will befall-
But with humble faith to see
Love inscribed upon them all;
This is happiness to me.” – Charles H. Spurgeon
I became a believer when I was fifteen years old just eleven days before I had turned sixteen. A day I will never forget. My life was never the same from that day forward. Now I am twenty seven years old and a lot of life has happened in between then. As you may or may not know, life didn’t magically get easier from that day forward. However I had the choice in all circumstances, trials, and seasons to choose the one thing I could always hang my hope on, Jesus.
Some of those harder circumstances and trials begged me and tempted me to believe in fact the character of Christ, who He was and is was quite the opposite. Whether that was to believe He was in fact not a redeemer, not a healer, not a good Father, and unsure of His decision in even calling me Daughter. As if He would suddenly change His mind about me.
A year ago this time I was engaged to be married. Only six weeks away from walking down the aisle on the what would be the biggest day, the biggest commitment of my life with family and friends gathered around. But life took a major turn and life got flipped a bit upside down. The wedding was called off. God interrupted my plans as a good friend would say very tenderly to me and reminding me gently who is in control.
This year brought me to understanding the inheritance I have through Christ. The days and months following were some of my hardest if I can be quite honest. And God met me there. Amidst the trial and in the uncomfortable pain. There were times throughout my days sometimes multiple times a day I would question if He was really good at all. I would question if He had just forgotten me. During that time ‘Good Good Father’ song came out and I remember asking Him to always help me choose into this truth. To choose He is good no matter the circumstance and reality before my eyes.
Several months later after walking through some healing, let’s be honest Abba is still revealing and giving me healing while here on the race. But all of a sudden one night in February I found myself applying for the world race just two months before we were set to launch. It wasn’t in my plan. Just two months to pick up and leave for a year and raise the support needed to come here. The application process was a whirlwind all its own, finding out I was accepted just under 48 hours after hitting submit button on the application.
There were a million doubts that filled my head and my heart after officially being accepted. The biggest fear and doubt I had was this uncertainty, would God really come through? Or would I end up feeling foolish after announcing yet another huge commitment to the public only to have to take it all back. I wondered if God would really provide in just eight weeks the means for me to go. If He would really provide.
But He continued to speak into all the truths He had been whispering to me those months leading up to the race. The truths He had been speaking over wounds of a broken heart. And this pivotal season in my little life caused me to face those very questions I had under the surface about who God is in the midst of uncertainty. In the grand scheme of life this season was/is small however it didn’t take away from it’s significance to show me that God never ever changes His mind about the ones He chooses and the plans He has for them. He gives us inheritance as His chosen ones that we never have to doubt what He is offering. He lavished me with so much provision and support.
In eight short weeks He had provided all of the financial needs for the race and then some. If I can be vulnerable in saying that in this time I felt very strongly as if this was my redeemed wedding gift in a way. This was Him wooing my healing heart back to Him ten fold. In the end I did choose Him. I did choose to believe beyond doubts and fears that the most recent trial had instilled in me. The doubts and fears that said He was only teasing me, that He would change His mind or that He would leave me hanging. But when God wills something , when He appoints something, no amount of doubt or even mistakes could start to hinder that plan.
I am still learning this. Every single day. Even now this testament in my life challenges me when I fall into doubt or when plans don’t go exactly how I had seen them. But Abba continues to be there, holding out His promises and asking me to just choose. To make the choice every day: I am chosen. I am loved. I am redeemed. I am being made new. I am forgiven. I am free. I belong. I am His. And He sure is mine. He never changes His mind on me or even about me. It’s my inheritance, I am a Daughter of the Most High King.
