I’m Emily Werness and after 8 months on the field I can tell you that as amazing and adventure-filled as the race has been thus far, it has been equally challenging, frustrating, and hard – if not more. It’s not all mountains, sunsets, and cute dirty children.
You can let the race happen to you and go home completely the same.
OR you can take the reins and own your race. It’s about choices. We face them every day – coffee or tea, hit the snooze or greet the day, work out or turn on the TV, open the Word or just keep moving…and surprise: the choices don’t stop just because you go on the World Race. You will not automatically be best friends with your teammates. You will not automatically dig into the Word every day and receive crazy insights. You will not automatically be changed because you leave the country. The choices you make on a daily basis will define your race. They will define your growth, your relationship with Jesus and others, and ultimately, they will define who you are.
These are three choices I have wrestled with in my 8 months and still struggle with some days.
Honesty vs Hiding
You will be thrown together with a team of completely different people with different talents, interests, quirks, and points of view. Very quickly you decide how much of yourself to share with these other crazy people. I know I felt I was different than the rest of my team and I was afraid to share all the parts of my heart with them – the ugly, dirty parts I had barely let myself face. It is easier to tell half-truths. It is easier to give fluffy, positive feedback on how great they are with children. It is easier to say, “yeah, I’m okay.” Easier is not better. What chance did I give my team to love me well when I would hold back how I was really feeling or brushing aside a struggle that was ripping me in two? What a disservice it was to my teammates not to tell them where I saw areas of further growth. How sad it made my Father in heaven each time I kept my mouth shut when the Spirit was urging me to speak truth. I hid. It was easier. Each of us has been gifted and each of us need to share all we are in order for this Body of Christ to have a fighting chance. We cannot make it without each other. Embrace your differences. Embrace your past struggles and bring them out into the light of your team. Embrace an atmosphere of openness and honesty from the get go…otherwise you may find yourself halfway through the race trying to play catch up when you realize what wasted time it was to hide. Go after who Christ made you to be. To do that, you need your teammates. And they need your open, honest heart. Does it leave you vulnerable? Yes. But does it also open the door for growth in a true community that loves you for you?? YES.
1 Cor. 12:12-19 Many parts, ONE body
Present vs Future
This battle has followed me around quite a bit. I tend to find myself asking God “what’s next?” more often than “what are you doing here?” It’s easier the first half of the race to live out each day and each month all in – playing duck duck goose while dripping sweat in Cambodia, laughing and dancing with university students in Vietnam, and riding elephants with your team in the jungles of Thailand. Then you see another friend got engaged on Facebook, another pregnancy announcement, new jobs, etc. and your mind begins to wander. It wanders to the future and begins to imagine possibilities and the questions flow, “Lord, I don’t know what to do next or where to go! What am I passionate about? Where will I live? I have loans and no car…what will I do to make money? Is there someone out there for me? What do you want me to do?” Pretty soon the red dirt fades away and you are lost in anxiety about what’s to come. You forget where God has you in this moment and you forget how he brought you to this place. You forget and in your forgetfulness you fear. Don’t get me wrong, thinking about the future and new opportunities, especially upon hitting the last months of the race when that plane ride to America isn’t so far away anymore, is not a bad thing. Dream big dreams with the Lord! He wants us to dream with him – but not out of fear or anxiety. It is when we begin to dwell and sink into this well of uncertainty that it becomes a problem. He wants us to trust him. Why do you think he pretty much never reveals the big picture of our lives to us ever? We can’t handle it! He can. We need to trust that he knows and that’s enough. Go to him in prayer over the future – it is where your plans and questions are the safest. Let him lift you out of the well so you can run and breathe in the fresh air of what is right in front of you. Your friends and family will be at home waiting. Caribou Coffee and Chick-Fil-A will still be there, I promise. But you will never again be in Uganda ringing in the New Year with your team dancing around with chairs raised above your heads and praying over people into the wee hours of the morning. You will never be here again. Choose to be present.
Matthew 6:25-34 Do not worry about tomorrow…
Them vs Me
This is a battle I knew I would face coming into the race. Selfishness vs selflessness. Choosing Jesus over myself, over sleep, over indifference. Choosing my teammates over myself and my desires and what I need. I want you to know I am still learning what it means to die to self and what it means to think of myself less. It is one of the hardest things – we are all naturally selfish and if you think you’re not you might need to pray about dropping some pride at the door. There have been mornings I chose sleep instead of opening my Bible. There were nights I chose to go to sleep instead of pursuing conversations with my teammates. There were times I chose to watch Boy Meets World by myself instead of going to get Wifi with my teammate so she could Skype her family. I am not proud of these moments and I really just want to kick myself for it because this is one of the things I wanted to practice and grow in most – but I am also learning grace for myself. As hard as it is to put yourself aside, you need to try. You will fail because we are not perfect, but your team will hopefully respond with grace. They want to see you grow and will call you out and help you figure this treacherous road of death to self with you! But you need to step out the front door in order for that to happen. Get on that road! You need to shower last when you’re drowning in sweat after a long day. You need to go on a walk when you might not feel like it. You need to serve them food first when your stomach is yelling at you. You need to pray with them. You need to ask intentional questions. You need to have morning coffee dates with Jesus EVERY DAY. You need to talk to him throughout each day and ask for his eyes. Choose them.
Phil. 2:3-4 Look out for them and value them more
I’m Emily Werness and I dare you to move – I dare you to make good choices. Choose honesty. Choose to be present. Choose them.
