I’m Emily Werness and I’m sitting here, cross-legged on the floor, surrounded by bank, tax, and loan documents, old photos, saved letters and cards, and basically all of my material possessions. I’m surrounded by what’s made up my life so far – memories, people, books, old papers and projects, and mementos. It hit me today as I stared down at my awkward 9th grade self, giving a piggy back ride to one of my favorite kids (who is now all grown up!) on the Rez, that God knew in that very moment that I would go on the World Race in September 2014.
He knew before I was even born.
He knew as I laughed and memorized my way through AWANA in elementary school.
He knew as I muddled through the awkward middle school years, loving school, making friends, and just being a kid.
He knew even when things got a little dark for me later on in high school – struggling with perfectionism and dealing with the fallout from my parent’s divorce, and feeling pretty out of control and hopeless – he knew on those mornings I slept through church and skipped half of youth group so I could watch my favorite teen drama and intentionally distanced myself from him. He knew.
He knew as I began to seek him again with the independence that my college years gave me and what it meant to fall in love with him all over again.
He knew as I made the 8 hour drive to the Rez countless times, for Kids Clubs, for two summer internships, and job interviews.
He knew as I cried and screamed night after night in frustration and despair to him about my hazy future.
He knew when I stepped off the shuttle and walked up the steps of staff housing at Wind River Ranch for the first time.
He even knew when I sat my butt in a cube for a year and a half.
He knew. He knows.
This truth alone fills me with assurance, comfort, and peace. All that I have been through, done, seen, and accomplished has led me here, as God knew it would all along. I can feel him – his love, his presence enveloping me and I can just picture him, smiling a half smile, softly shaking his head, whispering, “I know, I have always known, and I always will. I have you daughter.”
Sometimes I think we all just need to slow down. This life is blurring past us and we need to stop and take time to reflect and remember how great our God is and how sovereign he is! How faithful he is. How loving he is. How he truly does work out everything for our good, especially when we cannot see it.
Who knew that an awkward middle schooler, sharing the story of James Hudson Taylor with a group of neighborhood kids during a summer of Backyard Bible Clubs would also be called to an international mission field??
God did.
I still haven’t forgotten Hudson Taylor’s story and now, some of his words from so long ago while serving in China resonate on a much deeper level with me:
“All God’s giants have been weak men who did great things for God because they reckoned on His power and presence with them.”
“It is no small comfort to me to know that God has called me to my work, putting me where I am and as I am. I have not sought the position, and I dare not leave it. He knows why He places me here – whether to do, or learn, or suffer.”
“The Great Commission is not an option to be considered; it is a command to be obeyed.”
I’m Emily Werness and Lord God, you won’t relent until you have it all – my heart is yours.
