I go to church
I read the Bible
I worship
I pray
I love people
I ask forgiveness for my sins
I break for those who are broken
But why after all of these things do I not feel the presence of God?
Many times in my life I have found myself on my knees alone in my room just crying out to the Lord reveal Himself to me. I have asked God to ignite me, to anoint me, to live inside of me, and to speak through me, but I have seen nothing.
At training camp we learned all about the power of the Holy Spirit and how everyone who claims Christianity and believes that Jesus is the only ticket to heaven, has the Holy Spirit inside of them waiting to be released into the world.
The World Race is the perfect environment to be free with my team and squad and with God to just let everything go that I have been holding on to; my soul-ties, my generational iniquities, my emotional baggage…. Everything that would prevent me from doing God’s work on the field. I have such a great attitude and I have been prophesied over that I need to just ‘open my eyes’ and ‘jump into the ocean’. I have screamed declarations from the top of furniture like:
I am a daughter of God!
I am beloved!
I am not alone!
I have endless potential!
I will change the world!
I have a clean slate!
Nothing can separate me from God’s love
These are examples of what racer’s scream out and speak over themselves as often as necessary. I have been lucky enough to be accepted on the World Race and able to experience this type of life spoken into me. I am blessed. Still I find myself wondering, isn’t there something missing here? Shouldn’t I be hearing from God? Shouldn’t I feel God’s presence just like all my teammates seem to?
What I know God has been telling me is that I need to be patient and that my day will come. What I know God has been saying is, keep pushing and you will receive the Kingdom. I just want to lift my hands and feel the things other people feel so bad that the enemy gets in my head and starts feeding me lies that I am not good enough, when anyone else I talk to knows I am good enough. I am good enough to be a daughter of God. And I will wait and be patient and grow with the Lord until He is ready to reveal Himself to me.
“But those who wait on the Lord, they shall inherit the earth.” (Psalm 37:9)
