Just as I mentioned in my previous blog, God does not promise us that life will be full of rainbows and butterflies. He promises to us everlasting life and that He will always carry us through the hard times. The Lord says that He will never give us anything that we cannot handle, and that when one door closes another one will open. We just have to have faith that if He brings us to it, He will bring us through it.
In December my team and I were working very hard to take care of orphans in India, to make a long-lasting impression on their lives, and to help change things in the facility for the better.
Let’s talk about a bad day…I was getting super excited about Christmas, even though I was away from home and I get a message from Ruth telling me I need to get on Skype because my parents need to talk to me. That’s totally normal and I was pretty excited to talk to them, because they are my parents and I love them so much :]
This was not the type of conversation that I had been anticipating though…At first it was really awkward and it was like they didn’t know how to talk to me, because usually if I’m not crying my eyes out about how much I miss them, we are cracking jokes and having good convo…this time was so weird though, I could literally feel bad news coming my way.
Daddy proceeded to tell me that He had Cancer…Esophageal Cancer. I was dumb-struck. I first of all couldn’t believe that I was in on Skype hearing bad news, but second I couldn’t believe that MY daddy, my sweet angel daddy, my most precious best friend, my ‘world’s greatest dad’, the person where all of my best jokes come from, the man I look up to most…has been attacked with Cancer. The ‘C ’word is never fun to hear about, but I never in a million years expected it to affect my family.
Of course I had an emotional breakdown and ran to my nearest bff Lori, who was not on my team but living in the same house as us (God thing for sure) and just cried on her shoulder, and then everyone soon found out what was wrong and just started praying and surrounding me claiming peace over me, and healing over my daddy. My World Race family is so strong, and so amazing. I love every single one of my squad-mates.
But then I went to bed, woke up, and went to work at the orphanage, just as if nothing were wrong in the world even though everything was wrong in my world. I was thinking about packing my bags and being home just in time for Christmas. I was done with the race completely. I was annoyed that I was still doing ministry…Those poor little orphans were the very LAST people in the whole world I wanted to even look at. They wanted my love and attention and all I wanted was to give love and attention to my daddy.
So for 4 days I sat in self-pity. I went to work but didn’t really do anything there…yeah everyone understood why, but I knew it was almost pointless for me to be there. I had nothing to offer these children.
Then I was pouring my heart out to a former racer one night and he told me exactly what I needed to hear. He spoke into my situation unlike anyone else had. He reminded me that God called me to the World Race. God called ME. God made me to love His children. God called me to leave my home and comfort and literally pour out every ounce of love I have onto His children around the world. I had completely forgotten that I was in India for a reason, and that I gave up everything for a reason. He reminded me that LOVE is the most powerful weapon that we have against the enemy and that if the enemy has allowed for my ability to love to be hindered then what does that say about my spiritual life.
So with this amazing revelation, the next day I woke up, dropped any idea about going home until further notice from my parents about daddy’s condition and the seriousness of it all, and learned how to love as a choice. Because sometimes we forget, love is not an emotion…it is a choice. I had to choose to love the babies that I worked with. I poured out everything I had for the rest of the month. I worked harder, I was more patient, and I gained more out of my month in India than I ever would have being at home.
God showed me a lot in India.
I love you daddy!!
