My teammate Joy Robertson posted this on her blog and I thought it was funny so here’s a repost. Enjoy!!
1. Lucky for our future significant others, racers can talk about our bodily functions for approximately 12 hours a day. We will gladly describe our symptoms in stunning clarity, leaving out absolutely nothing. No detail is too intimate for us to discuss it over a casual dinner. Example: In Ecuador the men on my team had to walk Joy back home in the dark rainforest so she could take a #2 when she was sick. In El Salvador, the water turned off and the one and only toilet for 15 people wouldn’t flush–one of my teammates, Joel, got to see some of Joy’s…”left overs.” Yikes.
2. We will eat anything that you put in front of us. Will we like it? Doubtful. But you’ll never know that it was repulsive because we will chew, swallow, and affirm your culinary prowess with a hearty burp, a thumbs up, a belly rub, and if you’re lucky, a dance move of some sort.
3. We have a certain pleasing aroma with us wherever we go. Ok, maybe it’s not so pleasing…the ever so alluring scent of sweat, dirt, bug spray, and moldy clothes from 10 different countries (so far). Picture Pumba in the Lion King…we can sure clear a savanna.
4. We take personal hygiene to a new and exciting level! We forget to brush our teeth, wash our bodies, and shave our legs and armpits. We have a girl on our squad who has gone a good 60+ days without taking an actual shower. My question is: now who doesn’t want a highly motivated and determined woman like THAT?
5. You’d basically be dating a celebrity. We have signed autographs, given out our email addresses, taken pictures with strangers, and looked up from across the road to see people taking pictures of us. When we walk down the street people shout at us, MZUNGU! GRINGO! The only foreseeable downsides of this are A) By dating us you will be required to forfeit your anonymity and commence entertaining crowds of children and prospective suitors seeking US visas. B) You will be committing to deal with our newly acquired narcissism. It’s not like you can expect us to go from being Miss America on a parade float to invisible in a day and not need attention:)
6. We’ll save that lucky someone some big bucks! We racers know how to bargain it up with local vendors and walk away from those trying to overcharge us. Our contact in El Salvador says that whenever he goes to the States he will bargain at Walmart to get better prices. Who is taking that tactic back to the States? This girl! Watch out Forever 21 and Anthropologie, I’m not going to take your high prices without a fight!
7. We can make any place you take us into home within minutes, and in less than a record-breaking 30 seconds we will be christening your toilet and setting up a place to sleep! Can’t afford a good place to sleep? No problem! We can sleep on any floor, any chair, any bus, and smile the whole way through it. Achieving a good REM cycle is one of our best skills! We can turn su casa into mi casa faster than you can go get the tea you offered us. By the time you get back from boiling the water we will be sprawled out on your tile floor cooling down while our teammates usurp your wifi connection. Example: we are currently jacking this internet from a local Thai hospital even though our appointment ended almost an hour ago. Some would call us squatters…we prefer opportunistic.
8. You will never be bored. We can put on quite the show. You’re welcome, planet earth for our off-key songs, dancing sans rhythm with the locals, and our impromptu sermons. We live by the Boy Scouts’ famous motto: be prepared.
9. We’re easy to impress! You have a toilet you can SIT on without thinking something is going to crawl up and bite you?!? WHOA! You have ELECTRICITY? You have a car? Now, your just showin’ off!
10. We’re handymen and women. We push cars, fix toilets and make bricks. No need to call those so-called ‘professionals’ when you have one of us! If we can’t fix it with a roll of duct tape and a couple REI caribeeners, it’s unfixable.
