This blog is dedicated to my Team Awakened Ezekiel's, for being there for me through the good, bad, and ugly. Im beyond blessed to have y'all in my life.
And Emily Peterson….thank you for answering my questions and pushing me even when I wanted to quit this fight. E squared for life.
Genesis 32: 24-29
So, Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak. When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob's hip so that his hip was wretched as he wrestled with the man.
Then the man said, "Let me go, for it is daybreak."
But Jacob replied, "I will not let you go until you bless me."
Then the man asked, "What is your name?"
"Jacob" he answered.
Then the man said "Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with man and have overcome."
(Romania, month 6/photo credit Jonathan Garner)
Throughout my childhood, early teens, and even up until I moved out for college, my view of God was very….nice. I thought about him the same way I thought of Santa. An old guy, sitting up above, watching my every move, who would give me gifts/blessings/make my life easier, if I did good things. My relationship with God was about equivalent to the relationship with my dentist: I like you, you like me, we are cool until you start drilling and pulling up things, then I'm out. I want things to be nice, quick, and easy, and I want a sucker at the end of the day.
I never had to really wrestle with anything in my religion. I knew that Jesus, came, died, rose again, and will return for those who believe, sometime "soon", and that was enough. Until now.
(Kenya, month 8)
I have preached a lot on the story of Jacob wrestling with The Lord, Gen. 32:22-32, and it seems every time I read that story the Lord gives me something new to see, and reminds me about how much Jacob and I are alike.
The preface to the story is Jacob fleeing to the land of his ancestors away from his jealous father-in-law. He has with him all of his belongings, his wife, children, servants, livestock, etc., He is met by two angels and recongizes he was on holy ground, and Jacob decides to camp at that place for the night. But before he lays down to rest he sends his two wives, his eleven children, and the rest of his possessions over the river. He abandoned himself of everything he loved or cared for.
*cricket cricket*
Jacob is alone when this man comes out of nowhere and starts wrestling with him. Weird? Scripture doesn't clarify if it was really just a man, or an angel, or The Lord himself, but that doesn't really matter. Jacob and the man are fighting and having an intense match, I'd imagine. They are rolling and hitting, pushing and shoving. The man is after something, and wants to reveal something to Jacob. Jacob doesn't give up, he doesn't stop, even when his opposer makes his hip wretched. Jacob doesn't give up.
Morning arrives, and the sun peaks over the horizon and to much suprise Jacob and the man are still wrestling. Jacob's opposer requests, "Let me go for it is day break." And Jacob responds with one of my favorite responses in the Word….."NO, not until you bless me".
The man asks for Jacob's name. Now, I don't believe the man asked Jacob for his name because he really didn't know it, or because he forgot. He asked Jacob his name because he wanted Jacob to recognize something. Prior to this story Jacob had been known for fleeing when times got tough, he had been known to be a liar and a thief. And The Lord wanted to change that..….
This year I've left my home, abandoned myself to this scary but awesome experience, left physical comforts, family, friends, left all the things I care about over the sea. Once I recognized where I was, with nothing around me to hold on to for comfort, I was at my most vulnerable point. Then my God met me.
God came to me and began to wrestle with me.
I realized that I had been running from God for a long long time. I had been a liar, a thief, a traitor, a coward, but, unlike the world, His desire is to change me. I can be stubborn, like Jacob, and resist change. But because he pursues us daily and has a heart full of love for us, his love sometimes hurts. God will get eye level with us. He will wrestle his people. I'll say that again….
He will wrestle his people.
(Bulgaria, month 5)
I'm not saying I've mastered this whole Christian thing. Actually, I'm far from it. But I think a good place to start is realizing what kind of God we serve. Not a jolly, old, fat man, who giggles and gives us gifts….. He is so much more. Our God is a LOT bigger than we make him out to be.
Christians have become desensitized to the nature of the one we call God. We forget about the hard stuff, or either sweep it under the rug. When a scripture doesn't line up with our Santa-like-God, we slap it with a Christian bumper sticker, and carry on with our church socials and programs.
And we wonder why people aren't on board with this whole Christian thing. People want to believe in something that is real. Don't say you believe in something and not know the very character of the one you serve.
This is a subject close to my heart because for the past eight months I've had to wrestle with Him, constantly bring myself out of the complacent place in my walk with The Lord, and shouting at him "I'M NOT LETTING GO, UNTIL YOU BLESS ME." I've had to ask the hard questions, and I don't always get an answer I like, or even an answer at all. But that's what makes me love him all the more. I believe it because it's real.
I don't feel like another cookie cut Christian in middle class America that puts on a face on Sunday and Wednesday nights, and the occasional Saturday youth event. I finally feel like I'm alive….. like I've been awakened from a very long sleep.
Stop running from him, recognize his presence, abandon yourself, and respond to him saying:
"I'm not letting go. Not until you bless me"
…..and I promise there will be a change.
-Em
