Skinny Snitches

In response to Confessions of a Skinny Girl by Emily Peterson.

For all my sisters on O-Squad, “you is smart, you is kind, you is important”

Fat, Curves, muffin tops, extra, “a little more loving”, camouflage, whatever you call it…. has been a constant struggle for a lot of ladies on the World Race.

One of my best friends and fellow teammates, Emily Peterson, wrote an inspiring blog about weight from her eyes. Her blog, Confessions of a Skinny Girl, talks about her perspective behind being the skinny girl, and in response….

I’ve struggled most of my life with my weight. I felt I was never skinny or fit enough, and thought my happiness was determined by how much the scale at the doctor’s office read. I thought once I reached this “ideal weight”, I would meet the man of my dreams, get the perfect job, everything I would put on my body would look GREAT, and I’d finally be happy in my own skin. In high school, I realized how shallow those goals/dreams were but yet, still desired them. I wanted to be skinny. I wanted the guys to give me goo goo eyes when I walked by. To be chased and sought after. I wanted to walk into a room and to disarm a man. For once I wanted to be someone’s FIRST choice, and not a sloppy second, or third.

Then, January 12th, 2013 came. God rocked my socks off, and it’s been a never ending transformation…….but unfortunately transformation happened in my pants size too.

                                      (Emily #1 and Emily #2, riding our first African bus in Nairobi, Kenya) 

Blame the weight on genetics, environmental influence, laziness, being “big boned”……..that is my present reality (and a lot of others reality as well). One result of the race is unavoidable weight gain (for most). And I can choose to play the victim, degrade my body with harsh comments, feel sorry for myself, and continue to buy those amazing Twix candy bars ……OR I can STOP being a victim, realize that I am more than my weight, do the Insanity workout videos I hate so much, get up early and run, and put DOWN the fifth piece of bread at breakfast, and look at myself as more than just a number.

Our weight, despite what society has always told us, does not determine who we are as women, or what we can do. I want to show the power we have to rename ourselves, and reclaim the view that the world puts on us.

                                        (Joshua, Liz, and myself at the elephant orphanage in Kenya) 

In one of my previous blogs, until you bless me, I talk about the story of Jacob and how he wrestles with The Lord, in Genesis 32:22-32….. At the end of the story, The Lord changes Jacob’s name. Why? Jacob was holding on to a past identity that The Lord didn’t want him to identity with anymore.

Prior to Jacob’s wrestling match with The Lord, he had: stolen from his brother, deceived his father, and ran away from his family. Jacob was probably haunted by the sins of his past and associated himself with those things. Thoughts of being a thief, a liar, a coward, a runway, blocked a way for The Lord to completely move in Jacobs life. 

Fat, skinny, tall, short, old, young, smart, dumb….. these are all names that we can believe/define ourselves and we take on these names as our identity. We really believe these things define us as a person, and that it will affect our futures; for what we can or can’t do, how the world looks at us, and how we respond to the world. And it will if we don’t recognize who we are in Christ and reclaim our name.

                    (TAE ladies out on the town in Bulgaria. Left to Right: Chelsea, Emily Peterson, me, and Chaney)

The big girl was the name I had subconciously identified with for a long time…..all because someone who had nothing better to do in high school than pick on someone told me I was. I allowed those words to define how I viewed myself and the world around me. It resulted in me having low self-esteem (which affected most of my relationships) and a negative mindset that everyone around me thought the same thing about me.

What healthy weight I was at the beginning of the race, has slowly, belt loop by belt loop, faded away. And with all the other things happening on the race: ministering day in and day out, trying to grow a deeper relationship with God, being homesick, investing in hard relationships, having pretty much NO control of your diet, ect….. the last thing I want to worry about is my weight.

But one thing I have realized is……no matter how many pant sizes I go up, or how much fried dough I eat, or how many Insanity workout videos I do with Chaney, until I allow the Lord to change the name I have accepted as my identity, and believe I am much more than a number on a scale, I can’t allow The Lord to move fully in my life. And “ain’t no body got time for that!” When The Lord changed Jacob’s name, it changed the way Jacob viewed himself and allowed him to step into his new identity. We must do the same.

We can take on other names: fat, old, stupid, crazy, unloved, fill in the blank with things you have allowed the world to call you and have taken them as your identity. Allow The Lord to remind you of what he calls you: But with a change of name comes just that, a change. You have to stop associating yourself with things of the past. A change of name signifies a change for your future. So, don’t let your past become your future.

Now, DON’T quit exercising, and pick up the Nutella jar and say “Jesus loves me the way I am!”…..granted, he still will love you, Nutella stained face and all, but he gave us a body to take care of. Put down the Nutella, get up, run early, do the dang workouts, and be smart where your body is concerned. And call yourself what The Lord calls you.

                                 (Team TAE supporting me at my baptismal service at the Nile river in Kenya)  

1 timothy 4:4 

“for everything God created is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with     thanksgiving…..”