The other day we got to be a part of an English eloquence scholarship competition. The day in itself was as exciting as the title; we listened to high school students give pretend tours of a women’s historical museum, gave scores, ran downstairs during our breaks to relieve upset stomachs and pressed repeat.
After a full day of the above excitement, the real adventure begins. And like all good adventures, it starts and ends on the back of a moto (aka an Asian moped – their main form of transportation and adrenaline rushes).
Leaving the museum we were on our way to the finale of the competition: making kites. I couldn’t think of a better way to end the day.
Unlike other Asian countries, a helmet is required for both passengers on a moto. Which is a wonderful law, except when you’re being left behind because everyone and their driver has a helmet except for you. I was finally handed a helmet and a huge water jug to hold onto, plus my water bottle and we were on our way trailing far behind everyone else.
Cue thought processes of myself and my driver.
Moto’s are so cool and I feel so free. I don’t even care that the chances of getting hit by a bus and possibly falling off are extremely high. This is what life’s all about.
Oh look a swarm of moto’s heading towards us in the opposite direction – let’s scare the foreigner and drive into them!
Wonderful! a freeway. I didn’t even know they had freeways in Vietnam. Annnnd we’re off.
Wow I’m getting good at this, I don’t even need to hold on anymore!
Ohh, the sunset is so beautiful tonight.. crap! A pothole.
Nevermind.
I wonder if my boyfriend texted me (pulls out phone). Yippee he did! Better text back!
Uhhhhh..
Enter tunnel perfectly resembling the tunnel in Perks of Being A Wallflower.
…
Exit tunnel.
Awh, my boyfriend still hasn’t texted me back. Maybe he doesn’t like me.
Where are we going?
Oh my gosh, I just touched that man’s leg on the moto next to me.
We arrive to the bridge where the finale takes place.
No one is here…hmmmmm… they must have changed the location because of the rain.
She turns around to ask me if the girls on the other motos were my friends.
I reply yes.
And it reassures her that once they notice I am missing they will call looking for me.
So after 30 minutes of driving to the wrong location we sit on the side of the road and have a conversation.
“What’s your name?”
“Belle”
“Nice to meet you!”
“You too! Where do you live?”
“I don’t know the name of the hotel where I live, or the street, or have a phone number.”
I should probably find that out when I get back…Oh crap, my stomach is gurgling.
“Ummm Belle?…. I have to go to the bathroom. Bad.”
So Belle drives to Pearl Avenue, parks next to the nicest, fanciest mall she can find and sends me away with two workers.
I am pretty sure this does not qualify in the buddy system.
I can’t get my helmet off. Can’t get it off. I’m walking around the mall with a pink, flower helmet on my head.
Crap no toilet paper.
Jeeeez this foreigner is taking a long time to go to the bathroom.
If only I didn’t use all my texts on the drive here I would be able to ask where everyone went…
Oh look there she is!
“Okay, I’m gonna leave you here with the moto and find a place to buy minutes for my phone to call my friends”
“Okay..”
I’ve needed alone time for the past 2 weeks, but this is not exactly what I had in mind.
Oh hey Lexus, hey Mercedes, yeahhh this is my moto.
Wow that man has massive calves and tiny ankles!
Oh here comes Belle! She looks upset.
Cue the road rage.
After asking for directions 4 times. Getting gas. Flying over every single speed bump in the mall parking lot. We returned across the bridge and through the tunnel, it was an hour later and Belle answered her phone and giggled when she said it was my friends finally looking for me. We laughed and sped on to arrive at the finale only to hop off the moto and be told that the kite making/flying was over and it was time for everyone to go home.
So I found another moto partner. This time a guy. Who didn’t get lost. Was able to drive in the rain. Never answered his phone. And didn’t drive into oncoming traffic.
And all I thought about was how sad I was that I didn’t get to fly that darn kite.
And how my argument that women were just as good of drivers as men took 10 steps backwards.
Only in Vietnam.
Where the best adventures start and end on the back of a moto.
