Is there ever really a good time to be told you will be leaving the country for 11 months? I mean once the visions of adventure and whimsy wear off, is there really an opportune time to accept to leave my life, as I know it, for an entire year?
Don’t get me wrong, if you have known me for a little, you know that the World Race has been apart of my vocabulary and future discussions for around four years now. I’ve dreamed, spoken of, craved this kind of adventure that the World Race can provide. I’ve even experienced a mini-Race when I traveled to Africa with AIM in 2013. Missions have been part of my life since I was a wee 11 year old. So this should come naturally to me right…
I received my acceptance over Christmas break; that should be a happy time right? But as I sat in the hospital days after Christmas, I knew that it was not the perfect time. My grandma had had a few fainting episodes and was dealing with a deteriorating memory from Dementia. I tried to be strong and keep talks of the Race under wraps, but I strangely believe God used this time to show me that life would still go on. If I left my girlfriends would still go to happy hour every week, Bible study would go on, and as my mom put it “your grandmother could pass away.” I had to take all these things into serious consideration, but I felt God’s tug on my heart and soft whisper telling me this is what He has planned for me. So while I sat in the hospital, of all places, I replied “Yes God, I will go.”
But as I prepare to leave, I realize I don’t want to go.
This journal entry pretty much sums it up:
6/21
I just don’t want to go. I don’t want to step foot outside my comfort zone. I don’t want to spend 10 awkward days meeting 40+ new people. I don’t want to leave my mom or the precious time we spend together. I don’t want to leave yummy healthy food or working out whenever I feel like it. I just don’t want to God… But I will because that is Your will. I will do all these things and leave all my comfort behind because I know and I am confident that is what You are calling me to do. I don’t want to do what I want to do. I want to do what You have called me to.
My eccentric yoga instructor says some silly things sometimes, like “pain is weakness leaving the body”… what?? But the other day as we were holding plank for five minutes, or something ridiculous like that, she said “magic happens outside your comfort zone.”
Outside my comfort zone I will travel to 11 different countries, to experience different cultures and religions. Outside my comfort zone I will live in a tent, not shower, and wear the same 5 shirts. Outside my comfort zone I will love on my team and squad mates, knowing that they are my family for the next year. Outside my comfort zone I will preach my testimony of a girl broken by divorce and longing to be wanted, redeemed by an enduring love that can only come from Christ. Outside my comfort zone I will be molded into the woman God intends for me to be, into the woman my family can lean on and my future husband will look to for advice. Outside my comfort zone I will do God’s will.
So as I leave for training camp in one day, I don’t want to leave. But I am confident God will do more with my life than I can comprehend or dream. I step outside my comfort zone knowing there will be magic.
