I recently read Cold Tangerines by Shauna Niequist and it was a really great book.
The first chapter is called “On Waiting” and is about how the author has, for most of her life, been waiting for her life to start. When in high school, she always anticipated that things would really get started in college. But then in college, she kept thinking that life would begin in the “real world” beyond college. And then from there she was waiting for marriage or motherhood or retirement or whatever, because life was apparently never happening in this moment, right now. Life was some how always just past the present, never quite attainable, forever beyond reach.
(riding motorbikes with Joshua in Kenya)
Niequist’s thoughts about waiting resonated so much with me.
It’s true that we spend so much of our lives waiting for whatever is next. It’s like we’re convinced, for some reason, that our current stage of life is just not enough. There has to be more, we say, and that more is always found in the future. This erroneous thinking leads to dissatisfaction, distraction, and a lack of contentment in our lives.
I think, unfortunately, the World Race has the potential to magnify this kind of view. I mean think about it: every four weeks we travel to a new country with a new ministry and a new way of life. So if things aren’t going so well in our current circumstance, all one has to do is wish away the days by anticipating how great next month will be.
Next month’s ministry will be so much more rewarding. Next month my team will be so much more functional. Next month my pack will weigh less and I’ll get to hold orphans everyday and there will be Wi-Fi hotspots everywhere.
(holding babies in sling wraps)
What’s worse is the temptation to dream about life after the Race. Even in the very first month on the field, it was easy to romanticize home and it’s only gotten easier as the months tick away. The longer you’re away, the easier it is to dismiss the current moment and let your mind be flooded with wishes and dreams and thoughts about how much better things will be when we’re finally back in America.
Who cares that I’m currently living in country X, doing the work I’ve dreamt about for years? Just think about how wonderful home is! Just imagine how lovely it will be to finally be back in the land of free refills and central air conditioning and full-sized pillows!
In moments where I’m really having to make an effort to focus on what’s happening in front of me instead of checking out and letting my thoughts drift to somewhere or someone across the sea, I think of something my squad leader said back in month five.
He said, “The Race only happens once and when it’s over, it’s over forever. At this time next year, you’ll think back and you’ll regret every moment where you weren’t fully present.”
And that’s so, painfully true. The most rewarding moments and months were the ones where I made the effort to be fully engaged in life as it unfolded around me, versus waiting on life to be really satisfying in some futuristic, fantastical time.
(spending a day off at the Black Sea in Bulgaria)
You’ll regret every moment where you weren’t fully present…
Shouldn’t that be true of our whole lives? Shouldn’t we live in such a way where right now, whatever we’re doing and whoever we’re doing it with, is the most important thing?
This moment, in all its glory, is worth all of our attention and effort and energy.
Whether we’re sitting in class or writing emails or going grocery shopping or standing in line, this moment has all the potential to be wonderful. This moment is jam-packed with mystery and magic and awe. This moment, despite how mundane and regular and boring it might seem, is the kind of moment that could make fireworks go off and cause volcanoes to erupt if we only just tapped into the beauty of it.
Because, you see, there is Life bursting out of every moment of everyday. We just have to look for it. We have to look beyond the surface to hear and feel the groanings of the Eternal breathing Life into an otherwise dry existence.
It’s easy to dismiss what’s in front of us for the glimmering hope of what could, maybe, possibly come from some future moment or season or event. But why leave our contentment and happiness suspended in the future when there is happiness waiting to be unearthed right now?
(weekend boat trips to Italy)
Lately my prayer has been, “Lord, let me wring the life out of today.” I want to appreciate every ounce of this day, this remarkable day, no matter what it has to offer. I want to be engaged in the sounds and smells and feelings of this day. I want to breathe deeply and feel fully all the things around me, whether they’re good and easy things to feel or whether they’re painful and challenging things to feel. I want to lay down tonight and know that I didn’t waste today thinking about tomorrow because I fought to believe that today was full of enough marvel to keep me occupied.
My friends, let’s wring the life out of this day and let us find life in this very moment.
