A little over 2 months ago I set out on this journey. I said yes
to the aching cry within me. But not long after that I found myself
experiencing things on this journey that I wasn’t prepared for. People say you
grow a lot when you go on mission trips…you give a lot to others, but you are
also changed in the process. So I knew I would grow and change while on this
journey…I just didn’t know what form it would come in. But much to my surprise,
week 1, the process had begun.
As a team, we sit down EVERYDAY to talk about our days & any
issues that we had with each other. We call it “The 10th Step� or
“Feedback.� It’s a time to encourage our teammates in their strengths, as well
as call them forth to wholeness & love. So if we see a tendency within a
teammate that is an area they can grow to be more like Jesus, we talk to them
about it. It’s
a safe place, a loving place, a protected place. A place
where we come willingly to help ourselves & each other be ALL that God
wants for us. It’s challenging AS ALL GET OUT. I mean who wants people calling
them out? But though the sword cuts, love
heals & strengthens.
Month ONE, I personally received feedback that wasn’t shocking:
“You can be harsh sometimes…�
My team wanted to help me see that, while I may have all the facts
right, my method of delivery can be so abrasive that deafens ears. I knew it
was true & asked them to help point out moments where they perceive my harshness…so I could also understand
what harsh was to
others. (Though please note, I didn’t want to hear anything they had to share
with me…but they finally got through to me.) So these past few months I’ve been
mindful of my harsh words, attitudes, & responses. And have been more and more
willing to change…PRAISE JESUS! But no one really knew this but my team!
(i love graffiti art.)
I tell you all this, because Ireland has been a MONTH of Constant Pursuit from God. He is after my heart…and He wants all of it.
He never ceases to amaze me at the lengths He will go to speak to me…in a way
that I understand.
Day 3 or 4 of being in Belfast, Ireland, the pastor of the
church we are staying at comes to have a meeting with our team. He wanted to
share the history of the church and country with us, so we would be better
prepared for ministry. AND he wanted to pray for all 14 of us individually. (I
tell you, I have met few pastors who are willing to give up their time for
random strangers…to simply listen to God for them & pray for them. It was
inspiring!!) We put some background music on so we wouldn’t have that awkward
silence in prayer & listen to him praying for each person.
Meanwhile I was uber excited!!! Excited for faith to be built & stirred. Excited for us all to be encouraged.
Excited for some
people to have new experiences outside of our mission organization. Excited to hear what God had to say
to my teammates & myself. So I was gonna kick back & pray for everyone
and just stay focused on Holy Spirit. That is until I heard The Lord whisper,
“Don’t interceed. Just sit with Me. Enjoy Me.�
Oh but I wanted to pray for my teammates and those nervous. I
wanted nothing to do with just resting…sitting…enjoying doing nothing but
loving God.
I thought,
“Maybe that wasn’t God. Maybe that was just me
talking to myself.�
So I tried to pray…but I just felt I couldn’t. I needed to just sit
with God. I finally gave into His leading. I sat in the corner, resting my head
against the piano with my knees pulled up to my chest. I closed my eyes,
pretending that I was really wrapped up in God’s lap, resting my head against
His chest breathing in rhyme with My Maker.
Next thing I know, Rev. Derek is in front of me on the floor.
(Remember I have met him only twice…He really doesn’t know me AT ALL!) He
begins to pray for me. Then he says something like this:
“When I started to pray for you I heard,
‘Gentle Savior, Come bless me.’
The Gentle Savior part was emphasized…
(Forgive me if I’m wrong…)
But He is gentle with you because
most of your life you’ve known Roughness.
Love has been rough-not gentle.
But your Savior is gentle.
Others haven’t overlooked your failures, but He does.
He is gentle & does not condemn
you.
And you really are a gentle person…
You have a gentle spirit.
And you long for gentleness.
You want others to approach you gently.
So He comes gently to you.
You are gentle & will minister gentleness to others.
The only reason you do not act gentle
Is because roughness is all you’ve known,
All you’ve been taught.
People have told you to toughen up.
But He calls you to be gentle!
Let that DEFINE you!
Let HIM DEFINE you!
Stop listening to those telling you to
toughen up,
get rough,
get real.
Be gentle!
There is an old story about The Sun & The Wind.
They were in a match to see who could get the man to take off
his coat.
The Wind blow wildly & nearly knocked the man over, so he
buttoned his coat up tighter.
The Sun came out & warmed up the air, so the man willingly
took off his coat.�
Then he prayed a little bit more & was about to get up and
leave when he turned and said,
“Read Psalm 131. It speaks of the weaned child & the mother.
The thing about the weaned child is that he just sits with the mother. The
child cannot give the mother anything. Know that God holds you & embraces
you.�
(In His Hands by Gwen Meharg)
Clearly I began to sob at about the 2nd sentence.
This man really doesn’t know me…but The Lord used him to speak truth to me in a
way that woke up my inner man & called me forth to my destiny…to live gently; for I was made to be gentle. With a few sweet moments
& with words from a loving Believer, The Lord reached into the depths of
me—past all the junk that I’ve setup as protection—right to the true me. There
He brought me out of hiding & cleansed off all the lies as He called
me to be who HE created me to be, despite what people (and myself) have said
& done.
And if that weren’t enough, He took a step even closer &
whispered into my ears that basically I am not crazy. When I hear Him
speak…I really am hearing His voice even though it seems so natural. When He
was telling me, in the beginning, to simply sit with Him & enjoy Him…I was
hearing Him. And He used Rev. Derek to confirm that.
I tell you what, God knows just what I need in order to be free…in order to believe again. And He knows what you need
too. Maybe you’ve never had some random stranger come up to you & speak
something like this into your life…but I firmly believe it can happen. Ask God
to send someone to do you that will speak to you like this. It will blow you
away. Then don’t stop praying until it happens.
(Freedom by Gwen Meharg)
