I walked home (to my
tent) alone tonight. Now for everyone concerned, just know that’s so past
typical it’s just not worth ruffling your feathers…believe me. I really needed
that walk home…to just process life these past few days.
Tonight I felt
alive. I mean I really felt like me. It wasn’t because I had showered after 4
days nor was it that I had make-up on nor was it due to the fact I was with
likeminded friends. Nope tonight I felt
alive because I loved. When I
love I feel alive. It wasn’t some deeply spiritual thing where God said
love and I immediately obeyed. Rather I had a desire to shut up and listen to
someone else beside myself. I listened to their story and their heart…just to
learn about them, not fix them nor say something “profound.� Just listening
& loving them for who I was learning they were. I had another desire to hug
someone…so I did. (It’s amazing what happened when you listen to those inner
nudgings.) And though I don’t KNOW them well at all, I stopped to have a
glimpse of their time…embracing any potential awkwardness…and there wasn’t any
after all. (Satan is a deceiver & I hate him!)
Somehow tonight was
different. I really cared DEEPLY about the people I didn’t really know…and I
actually wanted to know them and lavish love on them. I was moved from some place WITHIN me that hadn’t been unleashed
recently.
I wasn’t loving out
my own insecurities to have someone fill my voids.
I wasn’t loving out
of the need to please everyone watching (because really no one cares that
much.).
I wasn’t loving
because that’s what I was suppose to be doing.
Nope. I got the privilege to love just to love. To love because it was the overflow of God’s heart & mine.
I loved from the wells within me…the wells filled up by God. And whether
or not they knew or not, I was giving something away. Like really genuinely
GIVING love. Peacefully. Effortlessly. Loving people.
It’s no brain
science nor revelation to me that I feel alive when I love. However I don’t
always walk in love for a variety of reasons…like other people. Sometimes I don’t
love because it may look crazy, be misunderstood, or even rejected. Others I
don’t love because well I can be too focused on myself. Still there are times
that I don’t give the fullness of the love within me away because of the fear
of abandonment. This is my junk to get over…and in the Name & Power of
Jesus, I will get over it so that I am free to love.
And I will not be
bound my other peoples’ thoughts about my love. I have permission from Jesus
Christ to love INTENSLY. If it makes you uncomfortable, take it up with Him. If
the love that pours out of me seems odd…maybe it’s because you don’t truly know
love…rather than labeling me as wrong. I am not WRONG to Jesus! If the love I
give seems like its so intense and so hard that it causes you to think that
there must be a cause in my past that led me to love hard…you’re right &
wrong. I love hard because I was created to passionately love…to fiercely love.
And the past experience that led me to love hard was NOT some moment of no love,
rather that JESUS CHRIST engulfed me & lavished love on me. Since then, I
am not & WILL not be the same. Love is my name! Love is my testimony! Love is my story!
I love hard. I love when it
doesn’t make sense. I love when its foolish. I love weirdos. I love the
likeable. I love…and that’s what is most important. It’s not always about how it
looks as much as it is about actually LOVING.
And you can too. You were created to love as well. There is love
within you & you were created to give it away! This is the truth. So what
holds you back? Is it yourself? Is it others? What is it? Really….think about
it. Identify what hold you back and then tell Satan to shove it!
