I hate fundraising. I really do. It’s awkward. It’s scary. It takes me into a place of the unknown. It takes me to a place where I can’t depend on myself for things to follow through. It crushes my pride.
These are all things I’ve been learning about and wrestling with over the past week.
As some of you may know, exactly a week ago I was in need of $3,121 in order to be fully funded for this trip. I kindof tried fundraising for this amount, but not as passionately as I should have. Most of that lack of passion derived from the fact that I had that money sitting in my own bank account, waiting to be spent on whatever funds I didn’t raise by July 1.
I was completely dependent on myself.
However, as some of you may also know, exactly a week ago I spent the day fasting and praying over these funds with a few of my friends. While we were praying for the last time that evening, I got convicted of the fact that I never really actually tried to fundraise and ask God and others for help in this process. I was sitting there asking God for help, but in actuality I wasn’t giving Him the opportunity to help me because I had myself as a backup plan. In that moment I knew that I couldn’t use any of my own personal finances to make up for my last deadline. I had to trust God and ask others for help.
In a lot of ways, I’m disappointed that it took me so long to come to this realization. I’m disappointed that I let my pride take hold of me so often in my life. I’m disappointed that I only had a week to express my need for help. & I’m disappointed in the fact that it probably came off as selfish for doing so with such timing.
However, in a lot of ways I’m also extremely thankful for this experience. I’m thankful that God convicted me when He did, instead of letting me walk along for the next 5 months in my own self-sufficiency. I’m thankful that I have an amazing dad who has been helping me talk through (via email) this experience and realize things about myself that I so desperately needed to realize. I’m thankful that I still had a week to ask for help, instead of a day. I’m thankful that I’ve seen God’s provision despite my mistakes. I’m thankful to have amazing friends, family, and random supporters all over the world that love me and want to help me along in this process. I’m thankful for forgiveness and lessons learned.
At this point in time, I think I’m extremely close to being fully funded. I’ll have to wait to find out officially until tomorrow night, but in the past few days I have received numerous donations – both anonymous and known, from amounts of $20 to $1000. My mind is truly blown. God really does provide when we give Him the opportunity to do so & people are amazing.
Before I wrap this up, I want to shout out a huge thank you to those of you who have been praying for me and supporting me over the past 6 months. Your love really does mean so much to me – you have no idea. I don’t know where I would be without having such support in my life. Who you are as a person and the gifts you have given do not go unnoticed or unappreciated by me. So thank you so much!
& To those of you who have anonymously donated to my account – I want to shout out a special thank you to you here since I can’t find a way to personally do it. ( So… thank you!
I love you all. You’re amazing. & God is even more amazing in His provision. Thanks for letting yourselves be used by Him to further His kingdom.
<3
