So, I suppose that a good place to begin my new life as a world race blogger would be to tell you how I happened upon this crazy adventure. Sooooo, here we go!:
First, let's take a journey back to January 2012 (step into time machine here-wooo!). It was at this time that I was in my hometown, in Delaware, for the holidays. [Background – I had recently (or somewhat recently) graduated from college (May of 2011) and ended up moving to Chicago, IL a few months later to work with an inner-city missions organization there for a year.] & When I say holidays… I actually mean the whole month of January (which, I dont know about you, but to me is LONG break). Seeing to the fact that I love keeping myself busy, I decided that this would be a good time to study for and take the GRE – for my plan was to apply for graduate schools that winter and return to school in the Fall of 2012 to attain a master's degree in counseling. One of the best and worst parts of the GRE, in my opinon, was choosing which schools you wanted your scores to get sent to – you can only choose 4, so choose carefully… each additional school will cost you $50… or something like that. To me, this meant – "PANIC! Figure out the next 2-3 years of your life right now". So, I spent the next few days researching graduate schools and programs like there was no tomorrow. During this process, I got extremely overwhelmed and began entertaining the thought of forgetting about graduate school and going overseas instead (which was supposed to be just a dream, not a reality!). It was at this time that I had happened upon AIM's website and learned about the world race. "Hmm, that would be cool…" I thought, just before I hit the little X in the top right hand corner of my web browser, then moving on to more grad school searching…
Fastforward to February of 2012. Grad school application deadlines were approaching and I still didn't know exactly what programs I wanted to apply for/what kind of career I would like to pursue. After praying about it, I came to the conclusion that I should put off the application process for another year. Graduate school is a big, specific, expensive venture, and I wanted to be sure of it if I was going to go.
Moving on to March… Throughout January, February, and March, thoughts of going on the World Race had continued to pop up in my mind – to which I had always immediately responded with a "ha, yeah right"… I do believe it was sometime during this month that I even told God that, "This trip isn't for me and You can send someone else, because I'm not gonna go." (Ummm, WHAT?! Who did I think I was?! Oh, humanity…). And that's just the beginning…
I had successfully pushed the idea of going on this adventure out of my mind (for the most part) over the next few months and began to carry on with life in Chicago as I knew it… until… the summer came… dun dun dun (seriously, that's the only sound affect I can think of that even somewhat accurately describes what's next)…
I think it's safe to say that this past summer I had one of the largest battles with God that I've had in all of my 23 years of life. It was during these months that I felt Him calling me to apply for this trip… EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. And every single day I told God, "No." I came up with every reason imaginable to justify my saying no. I'll save you the gorey details, but trust me, any flaw you could think of in regards to going on this race, I've thought about it. Not only did I think about those things, but I told them to God, trying to get Him to lay off on all of the "pushing me to go" that He was doing. I was selfish, ignorant, close-minded, rude, you name it… but most of all, I was scared. I was afraid of leaving my comfort in America. I was scared of the thought of not being in the same country as my friends and family – whom I so strongly depend on. I was deeply saddened at the thought of leaving Chicago, the city I have grown to love more than any other. I was afraid of not being in control of my life. And honestly, I think I was mostly afraid of knowing what God would show me if I went – of where He would take me, what He would have me do, who He would have me meet, and what things He would have me learn.
In thinking over all of this as I write, I am so humbled to see now how the Lord has pursued me in this adventure despite all of my kicking and screaming. To see how compassionate and persistent He was with me, even though I didn't deserve for Him to be so kind. No matter how many times I said "No", He always came right back at me with a "Yeeeesss!", beginning with a gentle whisper and ending like a thunderstorm (as you can see, I'm stubborn, ha… it takes a long time for me to get the picture sometimes…). He placed numerous individuals in my life who encouraged me to go, both intentionally and unintentionally. He had me visit the World Race website at least 4867108776187 times to see if there were still spots open on the January 2013 routes. He had AIM representatives call me with crazy-perfect timing so I could ask them a billion questions. He had me learn life lessons, all of which related back to following God's call… He did all of these things and more until I broke (which happened sometime at the end of August). He had overwhelmed me to the point where I couldn't take it anymore – "If applying means that the madness will stop, then fine, I'll do it!". So… I applied.
Throughout the application process, I still struggled with my doubts and fears (and honestly, I still do today and probably will for many days to come). However, I think the greatest lesson I learned throughout this whole process came as a result of these doubts and fears. When I got the call from Andrea a couple weeks ago telling me that I had been accepted to go on the 3rd route for January 2013 departures, I honestly didn't know what to say… so I asked if I could think it over for a few days. While I was thinking it over and being slammed with doubt, I realized something. Something life-alteringly huge. I realized that I feared life more than I feared God. That I trusted myself more than I trusted God. I found myself asking, "Shouldn't I be more scared of what my life would be like if I disobeyed God than of what my life would be like if I obeyed Him?". & Then I knew that I had to say yes to going, and I'm so glad I did!
I'm not exactly sure why God wants me to go on this adventure, but I'm now excited to go and see why. I think a large part of it will be so that I can be changed. So that I can see God in a bigger way than I ever have before. So that I can learn more about His people and how I can effectively love them and serve them as He has called me to. So that we can bless other's lives in small (and maybe huge) ways for His glory. So that we can live in unity with other nations as we were originally created to… I don't think that we are going to be heroes for going. I don't think that we are going to change the world. I don't think that we're any more capable in life than those we are going to serve. But I do believe that each of us has been called to go for a purpose, and I'm so excited to see what that purpose is!
🙂
Thanks for reading, yo.
-Emily
