Adventures WorldRace SethBarnes Sponsorship Giving

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                                                                                Part Two:

This one may not make sense to everyone and it is hard to fully explain 10 months of feelings through written words…but I will try, and if you don’t see my point at the end, no worries because writing this is healing for my own heart J

In coming on the world race we are encouraged to walk in freedom, not in law, and to find out who you are and about your identity in Christ. It hit me month 10, in some ways I was walking in more freedom before coming on this mission trip. Where to even begin…the first 3 months of the WR I realized that I was different then people on my squad in ways. Many didn’t really understand me and I felt out of place…people made comments asking me if I fell out of a Disney movie or about my life being perfect and they didn’t fully hear me when I tried to explain…this is the world race and people are just more adventurous, wild, rougher, and tougher even for lack of better words to describe my squad that I dearly love. Please make sure to hear my heart in that, I LOVE these people SO much and not walking fully in who I am, that’s on me. I just felt too “girly and gentle” for the world race, in everything from my heart to my headbands J

So in being on the world race when I saw the way some responded to the way I spoke about the Lord or about the things I enjoyed doing back home and they didn’t really understand, I think I just started pulling away from those things. Not that I fully gave up my identity by any means but I didn’t outwardly act or talk like I used to…I pulled a classic, “just trying to fit in with the crowd”. 

I struggled to show my heart fully… until this month with these 7 other girls. So the Lord put it on my heart to also blog about it and let myself walk in the freedom of knowing that anyone could read this blog J so here goes…

I believe that I am the daughter of a King, a princess, that I have been redeemed, loved, and forgiven by a God that chose me first, loved me first, and by knowing Jesus Christ my life has been radically changed in every way… I love Disney and princess movies because God always uses them to speak to my heart…my favorite Disney princess is Ariel… At home I have a diamond crown I wear when I do my quiet time which the Lord uses in so many ways…and actually right before this month God told me to buy one because of what he was going to do this month, so now I have a tiny crown out here in Thailand with me too… A huge part of my heart in coming on the race (my best friend Nicole painted this vision for me actually J) was in each country to tell the young to older girls that they were princesses and so incredibly precious to God, beautiful, loved, and chosen to be set apart… I have watched this vision take action each month and it has been amazing… Even though life is tough and I shed lots of tears, I see life greatly as a beautiful fairy tale, the most beautiful love story of all time, one in which the leading role is played by the most amazing Savior I have ever known… People say I smile like a girl in love, because I am…I have been redeemed and forgiven by a God that takes my breath away each day with His heart, grace, blessings, and when I look at nature, the clouds, mountains, and ocean, my eyes are wet with tears as I am in awe of His creation and beauty… I am overwhelmed all the time by God’s love and the way He scoops me up off the ground when I am broken before him… I trust God more then anyone and there is no one I would rather run to… He is the one who covers me with a peace that is unexplainable… Many people say it is a walk through life with the Lord but I say it’s a dance…because to me it is, I chose a few years ago to place both hands in His and he gave me a vision that I haven’t shared with everyone, but here goes J

Four years ago I struggled to forgive myself of many mistakes I had made in my life, felt the weight of my sins heavily on me…God gave me this vision, I was standing there with a white dress on that had been torn, ripped, and black smear marks were all over it. Christ was standing next to me holding out a perfectly white dress saying I have this for you, this new dress, new life, forgiveness, purity, redemption, but you have to choose to put it on. I did and the next vision he gave me was one of us dancing together with the new white dress on, hair down, sun shinning, smiling ear to ear, and looking right at Jesus, choosing to dance my way through life holding onto him…

 I chose to put my hands in his and look directly at him, chose to be led, chose to move to the rhythm of his music…I feel his love so deeply, I feel protected, I feel wanted and cherished, I feel him catch me when I am broken and falling…Feel the joy and all the smiles that dancing with someone brings. The words abundance and restoration were what God spoke over this month while I was in China praying about Thailand. I learned this month that my abunDANCE is found in Jesus. This dance with him is the abundance.

 

I love sitting down with a friend to hear what is on their heart. I love hard, am gentle, cry at sad things easily, I am motherly, I will usually place my hand on you while you are talking or crying, when no one is around I dance a lot to worship music, I cry all the time with the Lord not because I am sad but overwhelmed with his love, I’ll cry if I see you cry, writing people notes or giving gifts is how I show you I love you, I like girly things like tea parties or wearing dresses. I will randomly just start twirling around in public places like a grocery store or airport if the shoes I am wearing will allow it.

I may be on the world race but here is the truth, I don’t love to hike even though I have in every country because my teammates like it, I do love getting to the top though J… I don’t really like to camp and live in a tent. Not because the tent isn’t spacious enough but I feel alone in the tent and I miss sleeping close to other people and I am afraid of the dark. It’s month ten and no, I have not gotten more used to or much braver with bugs. I still scream like a girl when one comes running or hopping towards me.

I am on the WR but I have not gotten tougher or rougher in those ways…I have gotten stronger in heart and spirit through what God has done in and through me this year. I have realized my heart is tender…each month loving the people around me flows out of me feeling like I have forever with them, I invest in the people and places I am in, and then at the end of every month I cry leaving it… and I have learned, that is ok J

So this is who I am. Some of these things I tried to change about myself this year while living in the community that I have been because I wanted to fit in more and I wanted people to understand me… If anything who God has made me to be and the heart he has given me for him and for others has only grown stronger and I have a better appreciation for the spirit God has placed inside me. Because now I know what it is like not to fully walk in who I am and I also know what it feels like to have that restored inside me J I have discovered the freedom in being different and being set apart and I won’t again be afraid to walk fully in who God made me to be.