This is dedicated to all the mothers with children they have cared for… It matters Mommy’s…all the hours you spend, all the energy you put in, all the times you listen, all the times you watch them do something they are excited about, all the I love you’s, all the stories…everything. It matters. Being a daughter myself I want to thank my mother and on behalf of all the little ones out there that may not fully appreciate what you are doing for them right now, I want to thank you. Mothers, this is dedicated to you. This is a letter written to a Mommy, inspired by the children here at the orphanage.
Hi! I miss you so much. Everyday it seems you are missing everything that I do, everything that I learn, and all the ways I am growing up and becoming a big boy…I wish you could see me now! I just turned 3 years old last week and guess what? I got to go to the zoo! A really nice volunteer took me to the zoo, but you know what mommy? I wish I had seen the elephants and zebras with you. I prayed that God would remind you it was my birthday and was hoping that you would stop by, but I don’t know, maybe God forgot to send you a reminder or something because you never showed up. I sat there waiting, looking out the window, wishing I would see you car pull up but it just never came. I cried when the volunteer looked at me and said it would be just us, but it’s ok really Mommy I forgive you, I know something big must have happened and that’s why you couldn’t make it. Guess what else? After the zoo we went back to where I live with all the other little children and people gave me a cake! I blew out the candles and made my wish. I think people say you aren’t supposed to tell your wish but oh well you’re my mommy! I wished that one day you would pick me up from this place…I love the other kids here and the aunties are nice but I am not with you mommy, and every day I get sad thinking about not being with you. I will keep praying to God, I know He will hear me.
I just wish I lived with you, I wish you were around more. It seems like I am growing up so fast from when I was a little boy and still wearing diapers! Because wanna know what Mommy? I wear big boy underwear now. And I tell the aunties when I have to go potty too and know what? I almost always make it to the potty without an accident which I am so proud of. It just feels like you are missing a lot and I don’t know who will catch you up on what I am doing. You are missing the morning hugs that I love to give, stretching my little hands way up high saying “Pick me up”, you miss feeding me breakfast and watching the cereal get all over my face as milk splashes on the floor and all over me, you are missing me learn my colors and numbers, you are missing me learn to catch a ball and throw it back, you are missing bath time every night where I love to play and splash around, you are missing dance time each day which I love, me in my PJs snuggled up to read a story, you are missing the bugs that I find and want to show someone how cool they are, you are missing walks down the street we go on with the aunties where we get to explore, the funny things that I say and everyone laughs because I am very funny mommy…you missed my first words, you missed my first steps, you missed me learn to clap my hands, jump, climb, you missed me learn how to spin around, you missed tucking me in each night, you missed all my “I love you’s….”
I also wanna tell you Mommy about my dreams! I know what I wanna be when I grow up now! I want to be a soccer player because when I play soccer with the uncles here they always say, “Wow you are so good at kicking the soccer ball!”…so yes I think they are right and that’s what I wanna be now. I want to tell you about these dreams Mommy and show you how I can really kick the ball…but you aren’t here to listen to me or to watch me.
When I think about it Mommy, you missed everything I have done…my whole life. I don’t remember you being there for anything when I think real hard about it. Were you there for any of these things Mommy? I don’t understand what you are doing Mommy and why you missed all my life? What did I do wrong Mommy? Sometimes if I sit and think I remember a few things we used to do and the way you held me and rocked me when I was a little boy and you kissed my cheek. But then just one day you put my clothes on and wrapped me in a blanket and put me in that box. I thought we were playing hide and seek or something Mommy but then you put me in that metal box and closed it…then a really really loud sound came on! And very soon a lady I did not know came and picked me up out of that box. I wanted to tell her Mommy that you just placed me in there for a second, you didn’t mean it, you didn’t really leave me there…but I didn’t know the words to say…and you never came back.
I thought you would call those people where you accidentally dropped me off at, the people who have those strange metal boxes called Baby Bins, and I thought you would find out where they took me and picked me up. But you never came, and all these years I have just been waiting Mommy. Waiting for it to be you and me again.
Those people picked me up and they gave me new clothes, food to eat, and they love me lots and lots Mommy, but still I miss you. I love you Mommy and I promise that I would be a real good boy if you came and got me from this place. I know you will come for me sometime Mommy, I know you are just probably still trying to figure out where that funny box took me to. I will wait forever for you Mommy. I hope you find me soon. I love you I love you I love you.
I did not plan on writing this blog or writing it like this, I actually planned on writing something different but when I sat down to type this is what came out. So I know it was the Lord who wrote this blog as He pretty much writes all my blogs J I hope in this blog you are able to better connect with the children that we work with here at Door of Hope orphanage. Each child here is absolutely precious and has a story, some extrememely sad and they have the scars to show for it. The baby bins that are talked about in this letter are true…when I first got to South Africa I thought they meant bins to drop off donations of clothes or supplies…when I listened more closely though I realized that they were actual metal bins that people could place their babies in instead of just throwing them in the trash which is what people used to do. Baby bins? Just those words made my stomach churn and brought tears to my eyes. Then I came to this orphanage and I have been blessed to take care of those children…the children placed in the baby bins wondering where their mommy went. And all those things that their mommy’s are missing every day are the things that I have gotten to experience and my heart is not the same. Most days at some point in the day tears are in my eyes thinking about all their parents are missing and all these kids have gone through and will go through.
Thank you so much for your support, love, and prayers. It is because of YOU that I have gotten to come along side this ministry this month and work serving these babies and little kids. Our team will now be leaving to head to Cape Town for our next month of ministry. We have had the most amazing time this month though…not sure if I have ever been as tired as I have this month and lived on quite so little sleep and it definitely seemed that even after a 12 ½ hour day of taking care of them there was still SO much more to do!! But if was ALL worth it times 10 and now I have SO much better of an idea too of what having your own children will be like J I can handle 8 toddlers at one time, bring on one, no problem!
Love you all, Emy
