As I sit and analyze my race, it is easy to think, “Did I do enough?” I desire to make the most of my experience and learn everything I can from the people I encounter. It’s easy to think of moments where I could have done more. I am reminded of these two moments:
While in Malaysia, we worked with a children’s center. The woman in charge (our contact) was quite rough with the children and spent most of her time disciplining them. Continuous yelling and redirection wore on me. I eventually realized that the expectation was that we either disciplined in the same manner or disappointed our contact. I struggled to love the children and serve my contact without compromising the way in which I spoke to the children. When I left Malaysia I questioned myself, “Did I do what God brought me here to do? Did God expect me to love on the children more, despite what the woman thought of me? Did I show grace to my contact or call her out appropriately?”
I remember a time in Cambodia when I prayed for an old man that was dying. Honestly, I didn’t really want to pray for him, but I went anyhow. I was a bit uncomfortable while I sat and listened to my teammates pray for this dying man. When I returned home I was continually burdened by this question, “Did I do enough?” I reasoned that I did listen to God and went despite feeling uncomfortable. I touched the man as we prayed for him despite my hesitancy, and I stayed present to the moment. I believe I did what God was asking of me and I pushed myself outside of the norm. What makes this story more beautiful is that I returned to pray for this old man many times in the following weeks. I was filled with compassion for him and continued to pray for him, even out loud at times.
I believe we can always look back on life and see missed opportunities. As I walk down the street, many people catch my eye. Did I act on my inclinations? Did I smile at a stranger? Did I thank the cashier? Did I open the door or help someone out who was struggling? But it’s what’s we do with these opportunities in the future that matters. I believe regrets should propel us further and remind us to do something different the next time around.
“I don’t have time to maintain these regrets, when I think about, the way, You love me.”
Therefore we do not lose heart… If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come… We are being renewed day by day. – 2 Corinthians 4:16, 5:17
Each day is a new day. God loves me so much that it doesn’t matter what happened yesterday. I am not defined by my past and the missed opportunities in life. God is so full of compassion, mercy, grace, forgiveness, and love. Each morning I wake up and God says, “What are we going to do today? Don’t worry about yesterday, it doesn’t define you. Just know that I love you and I am pleased.” How can you ponder the past when you realized how much God loves you.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. – Psalm 103:11
Be comforted by God’s love. Let it overwhelmed you. Let it overtake the regret you feel. Let the love of the Lord propel you to act. Share His love with those around you and don’t look back.
