God has gently been showing me my imperfections.
I come from a family that has great conversations at the dinner table. We sit down each night and hash out the happenings from the day. We share thoughts, ideas, and ask for advice. This has been such a blessing growing up. Nothing is off limits and you will always receive the opinion of others. My brother was home last month and we sat down at the dinner table. I asked Zack what he would do upon graduation. He didn’t have a clear idea so I thought I’d give him a few. I told him to move out to Colorado and live life. Take a coffee shop job or ski resort job and continue to grow up and find yourself. I see nothing wrong with this idea. I think the few years after college are definitely ‘growing up’ years and not the time to settle into a job and build a retirement. This of course coming from a girl who is about to quite her job and travel overseas for a year. Talk about finding yourself 🙂
Anyhow, the discussion at the dinner table quickly turned from my brother’s ideas to a debate between my Mother and I about what he should do. Zack was no longer a part of the discussion. In my family we like to debate/argue/give our opinions/be heard. Whatever word you choose it’s still the same, we want to be heard and we want to be right. So I’ve grown up learning how to win arguments or prove my side of a story and ultimate make sure at the end of the day I am right. I do not concede easily and neither do my siblings and parents. God taught me last month that for someone who loves to be right, I have been wrong so many times.
That statement feels heavy and I begin to realize the impact I’ve had on those around me in the attempt to “be right”. I have been unwilling to listen to others at times. I’ve been wrong and fought to defend myself just so I don’t loose face. I’ve been a person who hates to receive criticism (constructive or not). And I do not apologize easily. What awful traits to have. Surely there are a few situations where I can say that my attempts to be right and stubbornness has kept me alive or gained me success but let’s just call a spade a spade and say, I’d like to change.
God has slowly changed my heart over the past 6 years and I’ve grown to care more about the relationship then being right. I heard a saying at YWAM that stuck with me, “would you rather be right or be reconciled.” So Lord for someone who loves to be right, I am sorry for all the wrong I have done.
Lesson 2 coming….
