I am currently sitting on a wooden bench, overlooking the land surrounding the school I have been staying at the past week. It is beautiful. There are rice fields covered with random puddles (more like ponds) and hills off in the distance to my right, the cutest goat ever (her name is Peetri) to my left, and palm trees with a gorgeous yet faint sunset in front of me. In the rice fields, I see livestock grazing, just living life, and it is so cool.
Why? Because living life is cool.
I didn’t realize how awesome truly living life was until earlier this week. It all started with a team time. One of my teammates had us do listening prayer/encouragement for each other under our names written in chalk on the walls. Take a deep breath. Joy lives in you. The Lord has seen you and has grace for you. He sees you, He feels for you. He loves you and you are wanted and invited. I see you becoming more like the woman Jesus says you are each day. Isaiah 55:12- “For you shall go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and the hills before you shall break forth into singing, and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands.”
I am a woman of joy and peace. What.
I mean, I knew I carried the joy of the Lord in my heart, but I never saw myself as one to have it prominently being seen in me. That probably makes me sound like I doubted the Lord’s presence in and through me, which I have no doubt about. However, there are so many people who seem to just be beaming the joy that is brought into their life from Him. I was very confused when this was brought up twice under my name, as well as accompanied by peace. I took it all to the Lord. I asked Him what was true and what I could take out. What He showed me, blew my mind and has changed me. Forever.
We had a long chat. About who I am now, who He wants me to be, and what it looks like to step into that. I was sitting in the abandoned class room, staring at the words under my name. I started listening to a song I had never heard before. I closed my eyes, and listened. As the song progressed, words in the song came up. Powerful ones. It goes, “you are a lion full of power who forgot how to roar.” These words spent chills down my spine. In the moment, I couldn’t help but to say “wow.”
“That’s you. You are a lion.”
God literally came outta no where (again), and wrecked my whole world. He has a way of doing that. Not saying it’s something I hate, it’s just very, well, surprising. I sat there, in shock. “I am a lion? No, I don’t see myself being one. That’s not right. God, was that really You?” In the aftershock and confusion, in a way, it didn’t seem too far fetched when I really thought about it. In fact, I answered to it. It felt accurate. I knew it was true. Confused as to how this came about and why it felt right? Yes. When did I ever become a lion? What in the world does being a lion even mean? There are more questions, but for the sake of you guys I will stop there.
He told me that I have always been bold, I just overlooked it. I didn’t believe in the steps I took. I didn’t believe I was capable of the powerful things I could do through Him. I was asleep, my mind racing with dreams. Dreams of being confident. Dreams of being bold. Dreams of truly taking risks. Dreams that I would finally become the leader and woman of God I am meant to be. When you are so deep in sleep, all you can do is dream.
To say the Lord gave me a wake up call, is the understatement of the year, of my life.
Dreams aren’t a bad thing. In fact, it is a great thing. Dreams are the passions of God that He puts in you to bring His kingdom. However, it is a bad thing when your dreams are causing you to stay asleep and not wake up to reality. Reality? I am a lion. I am powerful through Him. I am bold. I am a risk-taker in the world’s eyes and I love it. I am becoming the woman of God I am meant to be. These “risks” I am taking have have no cons. There have only been pros. There has only been goodness in seeing the Lord meet me in the unknown and always being faithful despite my unfaithfulness. There has only been life changing moments, radically shaping me, my true self. There has only been adventure. There has only been Him. There will always be Him. He is my everything. He is the one to unlock the cage, unlock my chains, and wake me up (and in that being patient until I finally do so). He is the one who always know the desires of my heart and gives them to me, even when I don’t know it yet.
I am sitting here, writing this, in complete awe. I am sitting here, changed. I am a lion. I am awake.
My eyes open. The cage is open. There are no chains on me. I stand up, pounce out of my cage, devouring everything outside of my cage.
I look to my right and see other lions fighting. I then look to my left and see even more lions asleep in open cages with no chains. I ask, “Lord, how do I wake them up?” He responds, “be unapologetically yourself.”
