Hello all of you wonderful people! I apologize for this blog post being so long overdue. The last few days getting back from training camp have been insane!
Training camp. Oh goodness. There are so many things I could write about it but I will try to make it as short as possible:
God didn’t waste a single moment I was at training camp. He hit me with so much stuff, whether I wanted it or not. The first night the session was on “abandonment”. They brought up Matthew 4:18-22, talking about how these men abandoned everything to follow Jesus. I was sitting there thinking, “wow that’s so awesome. They were able to leave everything just like that. I want that.” Immediately, God said to me, “I want you to abandon. I want you to leave behind your phone and laptop at home for these 9 months.” To say I wasn’t very happy about God’s will, is an understatement. I spent the next 72 hours, going back and forth with Him. I kept saying things like “okay God, what if I monitor how much I am on it? I will only be on for an hour a week. You probably just don’t want me to be on it all the time.” He kept saying “no”. Well, at one point I had been talking with God saying, “I feel like I trust You on this, I’m not worried about it.” He replied with, “well then why are you still thinking about it?” Dang. God always does that to me. He always calls me out. I then admitted that I’m super fearful of this and that I would rather not leave these things behind, however, for God, and all that He has done for me I will do it. He told me that He would not be asking things of me that would cause me harm. My whole life, I kept saying “no” to God. I was very selfish. If it meant discomfort for me, I wouldn’t even consider doing it, even if it was God’s will. It wasn’t until December 2nd, 2015 that I finally started saying “yes” to God, all in, that I was wanting to be 100% committed to Him. Not saying it was immediate, and not saying it’s easy. Some days it’s so hard to die to myself and what I want. However, it’s the times where it’s the hardest, that it turns out to be the best thing I can ever do. God used training camp to show me that I was at 97%, that I still was holding on. That I was not fully committed to Him, nor surrendering everything over to Him. I cannot say in my own strength I was able to get to the 97% before training camp, or the 100% after. God’s love and strength is big enough to cover my weakness. God showed me how good it is to be 100% committed, to be fully surrendered to Him, and I can tell you right now, I am not going back to where I was, even before training camp. God wants to carry it, whatever it is you are holding onto, even if you don’t realize you are. Maybe it’s 3%, maybe it’s 50%, or even 100%, regardless of where you are, He wants it. It’s not easy to give it up. It’s uncomfortable, and definitely humbling. Being uncomfortable is okay, in fact it’s a good thing, it means you’re growing. God calls us into discomfort, to give us comfort. I came into training camp, still hurting and I didn’t even realize it. I still was holding onto the 3%, and God showed me that, through the discomforts at training camp. He showed me that through total dependence on Him. The heat, the sleeping in tents for 10 nights, the cold bucket showers, everything. He caused discomfort, to reveal to me just how much comfort He can give us, and it is so good.
He did so many amazing things at training camp. He healed people physically and emotionally (I am one of these people, He did both for me. My shoulder from years of softball, and emotionally, with what I didn’t know I still needed to work on.) and He showed me that a life following Him is going to be hard, harder than I could ever imagine. But as I said before, I believe the hardest decisions I have made have been the best. I find His comfort in the discomfort, and His comfort is much better than any comfort I have felt in worldly things. I am so thankful for the discomfort, the sufferings, and the hard times. I am thankful for His never-ending love that I am so undeserving of. I am so thankful that He has provided me with everyone on J-squad. They’re not only my squad mates, but my family. I cannot wait to do life with these people, walking side by side with them. It is a privilege to say I am committed to these amazing, caring, inspirational, and loving people. To sum it all up: training camp was awesome, and God is even more amazing.
