Have you ever got that lump in your throat and that pit in your stomach and you just didn’t know what to do I can remember the smell of the air getting off the plane at the Dominican airport and not understanding a thing or being able to read a sign and i thought THIS IS REAL!!!!
I quickly began to examine myself and the questions started….. Am I prepared, do I have everything I need, is everything taken care of back home??? More importantly is my heart truly ready for this and that question God has taken and ran with and ever so slowly he began to answer that question for me….
Not only did he bless me with an incredible team that have open arms when gods answer wasn’t what I was prepared for but then again when are we ever really prepared for what God does and his answer was NO my heart was not okay, it was far from okay & that’s when the hard part started God re opened wounds I though If I pushed deep down inside they would go away but little did I know I had just walked into a battle field with not enough ammo to go to war and you see when your doing a good thing and you have one tiny crack the devil will quickly claim his seat!
The very fact that we are longing for change as we do is a sign that we are meant to have it. Our very dissatisfaction with our weakness and struggle points to the reality that continuing to live in them is NOT our destiny! Most times we are our own worse enemy to stay in bondage and hinder our growth
God has this funny way of never forcing himself on us but he never stops pursing us, he lets us come home on our own timing… He is about transforming our inner mess so he can transform the rest of the mess into something beautiful! Our transformation begins when we believe we are loved. Even in our brokenness where we feel so alone so condemned and not loved and just want to give up completely God invites us to join him in the process where he heals our inner world so he can transform our outer world!
I am extremely blessed that I have a team of 7 incredible people that are so willing to scramble trough the mess so that God can use it to make a beautiful picture!
It wasn’t until I called home on Tuesday morning to hear that someone I loved so much had been taken so quickly it’s in those still quite moment we’re no words can make it better or change it that you remember that life happens just that fast and before you know it that moment becomes a memory! We don’t always have the time we think, or the chance for do overs. I wish my life came with a do-over button. Only if I knew then what I know now! If only i had kept my mouth shut! But I remember mercy triumphs over judgement I realize that the reason I am where I am is because of the journey I have been on, I would love to change much of my story ESP the parts that have caused my family and friends grief. But thankfully God is there open hand, surrendered by grace, my only option is to learn and begin again remember & step forward. Yes we all have areas in our life we want and need to change, but the only way that is going to happen is if we have a change of heart! So as hard as it is stop for a second and be still because that moment will shortly be a memory, love the people around you like you’ve never been hurt and forgive quickly because until we forgive in our hearts even the people who don’t deserve it God can’t forgive us and I know I’m in need of forgiveness all of us are and the hardest lesson I have faced yet Is that forgiveness is one sided it doesn’t take two parities and just because there is forgiveness doe NOT mean there will be redemption and sometimes God takes people our of our seasons because they would not be able to handle the growth we are about to encounter & they have already served their purpose ! So embrace the people who love you and never leave you because we can’t just blow like the wind we need to know we are anchored in Christ and christ alone and he will get us through even in the lonely, scary times God is sovereign!
