I think I lost my mind last night; wait no, I think I threw away part of my mind. I’m not going to lie, this week has been rough. Sunday was my last time attending my home church before I launch, Sunday night/Monday morning was the last time I could spend an all-nighter playing games with my friends, and Tuesday I was confronted with some harm I had committed without knowledge.
By the time Wednesday rolled around I was exhausted and at my limit. I was already having trouble sleeping again (a problem that had vanished after training camp), and my overactive brain overloaded while trying to process all of the thoughts and emotions of these last few days before launch and gave me a headache. All of these factors compounded and compressed by the list of things I still needed (and need), to do before leaving for launch in just 8 days, rendered me helpless and cowering in the corner.
So I ran.
Hold up, weren’t we always taught to never run from our problems, the whole stand your ground in the face of whatever adversity?
Yes by all means, standing and facing adversity with courage is completely necessary, and we can stand with assurance that Christ will deliver us from danger. Isaiah 43:2 says, “When you pass through the waters I will be with you, and through the rivers they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through the fire you shall not be burned, the flame shall not consume you.”
I ran because the only time I can stand is while I am on my knees.
Last night I did what I should have done all along; I ran to God.
I borrowed my mom’s Jeep and drove to Lake Michigan to watch the sunset with my dogs. When I got there (it’s only a couple miles by road), I ran down to the water, and then I ran along the shore while through my mind ran all the reasons why I shouldn’t go on the race. Then it happened, I got in the water, walked out a few feet, dropped on my knees, and began to cry.
I cried because of the stress.
I cried because I never got to say goodbye to my Sarge before she went back to school.
I cried because I have to say goodbye to everyone here at home.
I cried because I am afraid of what will happen when I come back.
I cried out of frustration and dissatisfaction with life at home.
I cried and cried and cried.
And then I prayed:
I prayed for V Squad and Team SOZO.
I prayed for the lost people of this world.
I prayed for the friends and family I am leaving behind.
I prayed for my church.
And I prayed for the strength to continue on.
As I kneeled there in the water the waves rocked me gently back and forth, and I was comforted. I never reached a big epiphany, and I certainly didn’t drive back home with a fire in heart. I drove home singing hymns and praising God for this period of relative calm before I enter the storm. I drove home at peace with where my feet are headed, because at least for now they are pointed in my King’s direction.
Are you running? Are the situations and stresses in your life closing in around you? Is it getting difficult to breath? God is waiting with open arms; he is waiting to comfort you with his perfect love. He is waiting patiently for us to put him before us, where he can protect us from the waters and fires of this fallen world. All we have to do is run.
Want to be a part of my World Race experience? Please subscribe to this blog for email updates every time I post. Also, I covet your prayers. Please, please, please pray for my team and I, as we strive to follow Christ in our lives. And finally, the Lord has provided the finances for me to be able to launch but more is needed if I am going to be able to stay on the field. Thank you, and God bless.
