Up until last week, most of my conversations about the World Race went like this.
"When are you leaving?"
"I don't really know…"
"Where are you leaving from?"
"I don't know yet."
"What are you going to be doing in each country?"
"Not totally sure."
"What do you know?"
"…Not much…."
Well, now I know that I am leaving Saint Louis on a 10:30 flight to Atlanta on September 7th and will be leaving the Atlanta airport on September 10th for my first country- the Philippines. I also know that 4 of my countries have changed. Instead of Thailand, I am now going to Vietnam and instead of South Sudan, Uganda, and Rwanda, I am going to Mozambique, Swaziland, and Malawi.
(Mozambique)
Even with this new information though, I have to accept that nothing is set in stone. My countries could change again, I still have no idea what cities I will be living in or exactly what the ministry will look like, and I have absolutely no clue what I am doing when I get back.
There are two reactions to that conversation that I have gotten in the last 10 months of preparing for this. Some people say I'm brave. They say what I am doing is courageous and great. Others seem to think that I am absolutely crazy. They think it is foolish to put my life and my future on hold to help others. To come back to no job, no money, few possessions, and no plan seems absurd. And my favorite, "you can't save the world, why try?"
I won't argue with either point, but I read a book recently by one of my favorite missionaries and she summed up my feelings perfectly, "I do not know my five year plan; even tomorrow will probably not go as I have planned. I am thrilled and I am terrified, in a good way. Some call it courage; some call it foolish; I call it faith. I choose to get out of the boat. Sometimes I walk straight into His arms. More often, (like Peter) I get scared and look down and stumble. Sometimes I almost completely drown. And through it all, He never lets go of my hand" (Katie Davis).
(Swaziland)
I don't know what I will do when I get back. In fact, I'm sure this year won't even go as I have perfectly imagined in my mind. What I do know, is that God, without a doubt has called me to this. I know that I will say yes to whatever he has for me.
I am done with mediocrity and luke-warm Christianity. I want to actually do what Jesus said to do. "Religion that is pure and undefined before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world." (James 1:27)
I am done with making plans for my life. God always changes them anyway, so I don't want to waste my effort taking control, when He's always been better at it anyway.
(Vietnam)
I am done with letting Satan tell me that I am not worthy to serve Jesus or that I can't save the world, so I shouldn't try. God doesn't need me to save the world- He sent Jesus for that. He only requires that I love and serve the one He sets in front of me.
I am done with holding back love and trust, because I am afraid of getting hurt. "I believe there is only one truly courageous thing we can do with our lives: to love unconditionally" (Katie Davis).
I am done with answering God with a no or a later. I want to say yes to whatever He asks of me. Luke 12:48 says, "From everyone whom has been given much, much will be demanded" and I have been given much.
(Malawi)
So, no, I have no clue how this year will unfold. I don't know if I'll be a full time missionary after this, or if I'll return to grad school, or if I'll get married, or how many kids I will have, or if I'll ever get a "real" job.
I only know one thing. I will say yes. My prayer will be that God does whatever he needs to do in me, so that He can do whatever he wants to do through me. This year, that means the race; it means that I will say yes to telling orphans that their father in heaven loves them; yes to telling the prostitute that she is worth more than rubies; yes to telling the widow that she is not alone; yes to telling the depressed and broken hearted that blessed are those who mourn and that joy comes in the morning.
Yes. Yes. Yes.
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Recently the world race changed their insurance policy, so the amount I now need to raise is $16,280. I know that this seems like a lot, but this will ensure that I stay healthy on the field and that I will receive the best care if I do get hurt or sick. Help me say yes, by supporting me. I still need almost $4000. You can donate on the left side of the blog by clicking the "support me" tab.
You can also support me by coming to Matthias Lot church on August 10 from 7-10 for my benefit concert. It is a $10 minimum donation and there will be great music!
