Songiwe is the sweetest 10 years old boy I know. As soon as I slid into my seat one Sunday at church, he turned around with the biggest smile and greeted me like we'd known each other forever, though it was the first time we'd met. Then, a few seconds later, he glanced back and passed a comic book through the chairs like he was handing me a secret-sharing something precious. And he was.
I realized that despite the colorful graphics and fierce looking super heroes, this wasn't a comic about some flawless hero out to save the world from a villain. This was a different kind of story all together. This was the story of 5 "heroes" out to help a young African boy understand the battle that was raging on inside of his body. It was a comic book about living with HIV as a child- a child who did nothing to bring this upon himself, but who was born with his body fighting against him from the start.
As I read it, the screaming preacher kind of just faded into fuzzy background noise. I looked up and saw that a lot of the kids had those comics with them that morning. My eyes were opened and my heart dropped. I'd heard that 70% of people in Swaziland are HIV positive, but those kids weren't statistics- Songiwe isn't some percentage. He was sitting right in front of me on Sunday and glued to my hip at the church dinner later that month. He is the boy that declared us best friends and walked around with his arm around me, showing me off to his friends. I don't know for sure if he was positive, but the chances are that he was and that breaks my heart.
As I sat there in church thinking about the fact that most of the people in the room had HIV and the ones who didn't probably had some other sort of tragic thing in their lives, my heart grew heavy. I'd heard some of the most tragic stories this month. Six year old kids running homesteads and raising families all alone. Four year old little boys being hung and little girls found in their houses-raped and murdered. Alcoholism. Poverty. Hunger. Mothers who cannot afford to send their children to school. Beliefs and myths that say men can rape children or virgins to cure themselves of HIV. The list goes on.
The worst part was I could do nothing about any of it. I was only going to be there four short weeks and my ministry wasn't exactly changing anyone's lives. I spent my month helping in the Adventures in Missions office in Manzina. We made crafts and banners with the kids to give to their sponsors back in America.
That means, while HIV was ravaging the country to the point where it is estimated that Swaziland won't exist in 50 short years, I was sitting in an office cutting out paper hearts or on a good day painting the hands of kids I'd never see again, for a banner. I'm not saying that I did not enjoy my ministry, because it was actually one of the best months of my race so far. But, I did question why God would send me half way around the globe for such menial, non-relational tasks.
Wasn't I supposed to be changing the world? Didn't I come to love the lost and tell people about Jesus? How was I supposed to do that if I was never around any people? Was I really suppose to leave the country with none of the natives even knowing I was there?
Honestly, I can't tie this one up in a pretty bow, because I still don't have all of the answers. Maybe I was just there to lighten the load and serve the missionaries who gave their whole life to serving these people. Maybe I was there to contribute, even in the smallest way, to the care points that change so many kids' lives. Maybe I was there to simply be obedient to God and serve humbly wherever He leads me.
I don't know exactly why I lived and served in the gorgeous little Kingdom of Swaziland for a month, but I do know that God doesn't need me to change the world, He simply desires my obedience and love-and He will do the rest.
Please pray for Swaziland and the AIDS epidemic there. Pray for the people that their hearts would be softened to the truth and that their minds would be renewed. Also, please pray for the many missionaries there- that they would know God deeper everyday and that they would be so filled with the presence of God, that it would overflow into everyone around them.
