So when I left, I thought that all my trust was in Him. Well I realized while I was in India that I was actually holding onto it like crazy. I got really sick in India. Within 7 days, I had a virus, strep throat, a high fever that would not break, tested for malaria (thankfully it was negative), lice, a cold, and a yeast infection. All in one week. And here I am, in the middle of India. I have none of my comforts, nothing to eat but rice, I don’t know any doctors, and don’t know what medical service is like in India. Well I went to the doctor, got some antibiotics, and was told to stay in bed for 3 days. I do as he says. I go back and rest. Because of aches, chills, fatigue, and discomfort, I had no energy to take care of my lice. So after 4 days of letting the lice roam free in my hair, I decide that I need to take care of them. I gather the energy to go sit on the floor in front of my very gracious teammate Lara as she combs through my hair. From each comb through, the comb would have about 15 baby louse on it as well as a whole bunch of eggs. It was then that I broke down and started crying. It was then that I realized how I was hanging onto and grasping the thread of control I thought I had on my life. It was then that I realized how little control I actually have on my life. I can control NOTHING! I can’t control all the bugs crawling in my hair. I can’t control the fever that was 103 degrees and not breaking. I take Motrin and hope that it breaks it, but it scarily keeps going up. I can’t control the beating of my heart or the bacteria in my mouth that take control over an already compromised immune system. I can’t control my body when I am sick. I can turn to doctors and medicine, and think I am controlling the bacteria and virus, but in reality, it can do whatever it wants.
Driving through the roads of Nepal was literally the closest I have ever felt to death. We were on a very narrow 2 lane road that weaves through the mountains. We were driving in a mini 20 passenger bus with the most reckless driver. I felt like he thought we were on a NASCAR track or something. We would take the curves around a mountain accelerating over 50 miles an hour and a foot away from plundering over the edge of the mountain. The engine blaring. We would pass cars going around curves where the driver couldn’t see more than 10 feet ahead of him. We would swerve back into our lane, missing the oncoming traffic by a hair. I honestly thought the driver had a death wish. The entire 5 hour ride I was so car sick. All I wanted to do was close my eyes so I couldn’t see the danger that lurked around each curve, but the more I closed my eyes, the more carsick I got. So for almost the whole 5 hours I sat there and prayed and prayed. I said The Lord’s Prayer multiple times. I tried to decide if it would be better to go over the side of the cliff and fall down hundreds of feet or to hit a car head on at 50 miles/hour. I had absolutely no control over my life. I could have thought that my life was in the hands of the driver and that he controlled whether I lived or not. But it is really God that has control and He has my life in His hands, not this crazy driver. I knew that the whole ride was in His hands and if it was my time to go, that it is His will and I don’t want to mess with God’s plans, so once again, I surrendered my life to Him. When we finally made it to Kathmandu, an hour and a half early, I said so many prayers of thanks to God.
That miserable week in India and the death ride through Nepal taught me so much. I learned that I need to let go of that thread of control I held onto and give it to God. Since letting go, I have had such a release and such a freedom that I have never experienced before. God says, “Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?” Matthew 6:25-26. God has complete control over my life. And when I think I have that thread of control on my life, God will take His scissors again and cut that thread and show me that it is really Him in control. He knows what is best for me and He knows how long I am to live on this earth. Why would I want to disagree with the Maker of the world. He is on my side and all He does is good.
I want to encourage you, if you are still hanging onto that thread of control in your life, take time with God. Ask Him to take complete control of your life and surrender your control over to Him. Although it may be hard, and won’t be easy, “we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose” Romans 8:28
