Are You Ready to Cry?

You know it’s going to be a good month when those are the first word’s out of your contact’s mouth. 

When our Nepalese contact, Reuben, told us this, I assumed he was referring to all of the intensive work we would be doing this month: 

We helped build an orphanage in Urlabari, a town about a 14 hour bus ride from Kathmandu. This involved a 20 minute walk to the orphanage sight every morning, digging trenches for a flower bed, moving rocks from one location to another, sorting bricks, moving bricks upstairs, carrying rocks up to the roof for cement, cleaning up trash, and leveling out soil.

We trekked through Nepal for 3 hours, crossing a cold river 13 times, and hiking up and down mountains to reach Reuben’s village all with our packs on. Here we helped build a school so that the children wouldn’t have to cross the river to get an education. Many people have died in the river during rainy season. This meant forming an assembly line to bring large stones up from a ravine and over to the school. To help keep positive, we would say something we were thankful for every time we passed a stone. 

We took jeeps up a muddy mountain pass. Our 7 hour trip took 14 hours as we tried to make our way through muddy trails. Thank goodness for professional drivers and there assistants who knew just how to get us out of sticky situations. Sometimes this meant using a shovel to move the road around, strategically placing rocks, or having 5 Nepalese men push the jeep up the mountain. When we reached the top of the mountain, the weather was so cold our teeth were chattering. We slept in a barn on top of hay, reminding us of Jesus lying in a manger. 

Even though the journey to the top was terrifying at times, the view at the top was worth it. We could see the snow-capped Himalayas, the most beautiful stars at night, and would gather around a campfire every night. We cheered on our Nepalese contacts as they engaged in a friendly football match against the locals. We huddled together at night as we invited the community to watch outdoor movies about God’s love. 

This month was full of trials and triumphs. There were times when I wasn’t sure I’d find the strength to make it up a mountain with my pack, or down one in a jeep without getting a concussion (it was a little bumpy). There were the times when I realized I had finally found a people group that I could interact with, I thrived at relational ministry this month. God was there with me through it all. These lyrics were constantly coming out of my mouth this month: “Higher than the mountains that I face, stronger than the power of the grave, constant in the trials and the change, this one thing remains. Your love never fails, it never gives up, it never runs out on me.”

So, I was surprised when it was none of these events that made me cry this month. Instead, it was the thought of ever having to leave Nepal. 

At the beginning of the month I prayed that God would break my heart for Nepal. I prayed that I would become so invested in this country and it’s people that it would hurt to leave. 

I had forgotten I said that prayer until I found it in my journal at the end of the month. It’s funny how God really does answer prayers. 

This month, I was ready to cry as I had to say goodbye to all of my new friends. I was ready to cry as we spent our last few days as tourists in Kathmandu. I was ready to cry as I gave out final hugs at the airport. I was ready to cry as I breathed in my last breathe of cool, crisp, Nepalese air as I boarded the plane. 

I can’t pinpoint the moment I fell in love with Nepal. Maybe it was our first few days in Kathmandu when I realized I would actually be cold this month. Maybe it was shopping for groceries in town and getting to cook dinner for our contacts. Maybe it was roasting chicken over a bonfire by the orphanage. Maybe it was staring at the starry night and finally seeing shooting stars. Maybe it was singing worship songs while Alen played guitar. Maybe it was joking with Pradip while I helped him prepare dinner. Maybe it was God pursuing me through nature. Maybe it was when I was able to get Reuben to laugh with us and tell us stories. Maybe it was when I finally could find my way around town. Maybe it was when everyone we met kept telling me I was beautiful. Maybe it was staying up late and laughing harder than I had in a long time over ridiculous jokes and situations.

Solomon and Pradip, they cooked delicious food for us all month. Pradip is one funny guy!

Whatever it was, whenever it happened, it led me to leave Nepal with a broken heart, because I left a piece of my heart there. I can only hope that one day God will have me return so I can go and get it back.