God gave me a vision earlier this month through a very frustrating dream.
the concept of my dream was very simple
but it continues to make me think about
my life and the importance of how I view God.
We finally arrived in Romania after what seemed like weeks of traveling. That night, we had to take an overnight train ride (9 hours) to our ministry site in Sistarovat, Romania. I felt like I had stepped aboard the polar express or was about to take a magical journey to Hogwarts. Either way, the train ride in itself could have been turned into a movie.
unlabeled trains.
twelve American girls
searching for our scattered seats,
walking in and out of train carts
getting stuck inbetween carts as the doors swallowed our packs.
the train abruptly jolts and the adventure begins.
50 pound packs strapped to our backs.
overstuffed daypacks clutched to our front.
aimlessly stumbling up and down the microscopic aisles.
conductors scolding us.
thieves on the loose.
no one spoke English.
no one smiled.
and according to the conductor…we were “not safe”
Sounds crazy…because it was.
Did I forget to mention we had been traveling for 3 days straight?
We were exhausted…
I am not sure if we ever found our assigned seats on the train, but we decided it was time to escape into a room before the conductors kicked us off. We already stood out like sore thumbs and we did not want to draw anymore attention. So three of my teammates and I found a room with four empty seats (two of the seats were already occupied by an old man and a police woman who spoke some English..what a relief). We shoved all of our packs and days packs into this little room. You could not see the floor. We were literally packed in for the night. Luckily our two newest friends and trainmates were welcoming and did not mind the clutter.
Although I was thankful to be sitting down…I just wanted a bed!
I was SO tired of sleeping up right at a 90-degree angle…
With an old man to my left
and a lady facing me eye to eye…
I was unable to fully rest.
Although I was able to fall asleep…
I was in and out of consciousness all throughout the night.
There were thousands of thoughts that flooded my brain that night…
I was able to dream, but it was not peaceful.
It was one of those restless dreams that leaves your mind racing.
I am not sure if it was a coincidence or not, but I kept dreaming that I was stuck inside a box.
I felt so trapped and I would wake up with so many anxious feelings.
It was so frustrating and as soon as I would fall back asleep,
the dream would continue.
This was my journal entry I wrote soon after waking up…this is what God was speaking to me that night….
“You are no longer in a box.
I am no longer in a box.”
no longer shall you run and hide from
shame, embarrassment, or fear in a corner.
no longer are you trapped in a box,
I have set you free.
no longer shall I be placed in a box,
I am bigger than that.
I am in your heart and soul,
and I will remain there forever.
I have no limits.
don’t leave me in a box.
don’t come to me only when you need me
or crawl to me for comfort.
I am no longer in a box,
you will not find me there.
Then I continued writing…
“View yourself in a circle.
View me in a circle.”
You are now in a circle
I have set you free.
You are no longer trapped,
You are as free as can be.
I am a circle of promise, truth, and trust.
I am never ending and I have no limits.
My love goes on an on for you…”
I know that God has me on the race to get me outside of my box.
He does not want me to crawl back into the corners and comforts of my old ways,
which I often find myself subconsciously doing.
I have come to realize that it was not leaving for 11 months
that was stepping outside my comfort zone…
It was leaving behind my old ways.
Sometimes walking in a new path and stepping outside the box can be intimaidating
and hard, but it is the life that the Lord has called me to.
I came on the race to change my ways, to follow God's plans for my life
and to spread my love all around the world.
I need to grow in the uncomfortability and embrace the change…even when its hard and when I want to crawl back into the corners of comfort…
I am made to live outside this box
and find God out in the circle of life.
