For months I have been talking about the World Race in the future tense.
In January…
When I leave…
I’ll be going…
Well January has arrived. When has happened. Going has become gone. Okay, I suppose I am not technically gone, I am writing this from a comfortable hotel bed outside of D.C. But I have said my goodbyes, given countless hugs, and flown hundreds of miles from home.
There’s no turning back now.
My excited anticipation has turned into numbness. I’m not really sure how to feel. The World Race just got real and I’m realizing that the grass that once seemed greener is just different grass. I know great things a wait. I know I was called to this. I know in the end this crazy year will be worth it. And yet the only emotion I can muster at this point besides intimidation of the unknown is frustration because my pack is so freaking heavy.
Today was a bit overwhelming so during worship tonight I closed my eyes. I do this when my mind is running a thousand miles a minute to try and force my focus back to where it should be. As I was visualizing the words to the song this scene started playing in my mind.
I’m walking down an isle and up ahead Jesus is standing there smiling back at me. My steps feel calculated and slow but my eyes stay focused on him. I can feel a thousand things pulling at me from all directions. Lies and doubts are creeping in. I’m getting cold feet.
However, as I stare at Jesus this reassuring thought finally washed over me.
Emily just keep your eyes on me and you’ll be just fine.
It’s a simple statement but profoundly combats that side of me that wants to turn around and run back home. I'll be just fine.
So for now I will keep my eyes focused on Him and put one cold foot in front of the other.
Here’s to the journey that waits on the other side of a very long flight to South Africa!
