So here we are in Bulgaria and the ministry is not laid out for us. Officially, our job here is to pioneer the country. We are the first team sent to Bulgaria, so our task is to find contacts and ministries that future racers can work with. We’ve met with several churches and local ministries and asked them interview style questions. What are the needs here in Sofia, what sort of things could teams do here, what is the overall attitude toward Christians, et cetera…?
 
We are getting a lot of similar responses and learning that there may not be much to do here. This of course frustrates us because we like to feel important and useful. We recently had dinner with an American missionary couple who have been here in Bulgaria a year and a half. They told us that there were still trying to figure out what their ministry in Bulgaria was. They have been here over a year and are still trying to get answers to the same questions that we have for just being here a few weeks. They are still trying to acclimate and learn the language and learn about the culture. This is a full time job in itself.
 

They told us that there’s nothing as short term missionaries that we can do. Ultimately, we are not going to save the day and make a difference in a matter of a month in each country. Why do we always feel this need, this unexplainable driving force to do something?

So I decided that I am going to change my mindset completely about this whole thing.

One of my teammates told me the other day told me that he is not a missionary this year. He said that that implies that it is a role that he is playing this one secluded year of his life. Conversely, he is not playing a role, or working a job, but this is a lifestyle in which he tries to live his life. He told me that this year he is a traveler. He is traveling around the world being Jesus to people. The only difference between this year and any other time in his life is that he happens to be traveling around the world for 11 months.

I’ve been more aware of opportunities to be Jesus to people. It doesn’t always look the way I imagined, but I feel more alive than I have this entire race. God is creative and usually does things differently than I think He will. I have been meeting people and loving them and sharing my life with them. I feel truly passionate about what we are doing here. Meeting new friends and sharing my life with them and loving them is what makes my heart beat.

Then I read this today, and it helped me in my struggle to feel useful. Oswald Chambers writes, “It is not the practical activities that are the strength- its entire strength lies in the fact that here you are immersed in the truths of God to soak in them before Him. You have no idea of where or how God is going to engineer your future circumstances, and no knowledge of what stress and strain is going to be placed on you either at home or abroad. And if you waste your time in over activity, instead of God’s redemption, then you will snap when the stress and strain do come. But if this time of soaking before God is being spent in getting rooted and grounded in Him, which may appear to be impractical, then you will remain true to Him whatever happens.”

This year is an incredible opportunities to really grow and learn. I don’t want to take this for granted.

Also, I’ve been trying to figure out what my passions in life are. This is a whole other topic, that I can’t even wrap my mind around currently, but I will keep you posted on this. I’ve recently had some clichéd epiphanies, but they were meaningful to me, so I will share these with you sometime.

Until next time!

Love you and miss you terribly!

Em