Month six of the race is slowly coming to an end and I’m feeling all the feels. These past six months have been full of ups and downs. I’ve had days where I felt as if there was nothing nor anyone that could bring me down and I’ve had days where all I wanted was to disappear. Last month I had experienced freedom like never before and I felt like a completely different person. People were constantly complimenting me on my growth and life was never so great. Unfortunately, I’ve allowed the enemy to tie me up again to things I thought I had already found freedom from. It’s been super discouraging seeing myself take steps backwards and it’s been really hard to admit. It’s often easy to pretend everything is okay, but being vulnerable and showing the messy parts about ourselves is the real challenge and I’ve felt the Lord put on my heart to be real with you all in this blog, so I’m going to do just that. Lately I’ve been in a state of mind where if someone were to hand me a ticket home, I’d take it without any hesitation. I’ve been crazy homesick, I’ve felt alone, I’ve felt unseen, I’ve felt unimportant, I’ve felt like the farthest thing from beautiful, I’ve felt chained to my depression and anxiety, I’ve questioned why God created me, and I’ve been broken to the core. Although I’ve been feeling all these things, I know the Lord has called me to this trip and I know He has me here and in this season for a reason. He’s also shown me that it’s okay to not be okay and that He’s going to somehow use my mess for good, so that’s what I’m holding on to.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10, “So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
2 Corinthians 1:4-6, “He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. For the more we suffer for Christ, the more God will shower us with his comfort through Christ. Even when we are weighed down with troubles, it is for your comfort and salvation.”
1 Peter 1:6-7, “So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you must endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold- though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.”
