Why are you here?
This is the first question that resonated in my heart at the start of World Race training camp. My Lord was already calling me deeper, to a place further up and further in. He was calling me to weed out some things in my heart so that He could put new things in their place – better things – so that I could, in turn, share those better things with others.
It’s taken me a while to figure out what would be a good way to share my training camp experience with you. After much ado, I finally settled on sharing 11 things I learned. Note: none of the photos are mine (thanks, squad mates!).
1) Abandonment.
Especially abandonment to expectations, but also to comfort, schedules, convenience and even quiet (shout out to all my fellow introverts). Abandonment has so much fear attached to it. Abandonment is painful. It’s hard. It’s scary. This is what Jesus is calling me to? Why?
Simply this. Abandonment creates space for the Lord to work. If space is not created, change cannot take place. Are you ready to change?
2) God will call you out of your comfort.
It didn’t take long to figure out this is a big part of what World Race training is all about – continuously pushing you out of your comfort zone. But it is in that discomfort where Jesus meets you.
At the end of my first day of training in Gainesville, GA, I was left feeling a variety of emotions: Apprehension, excitement, uncertainty, thankfulness, discomfort. I wrote in my journal that night. Lord, open my heart to abandonment so nothing will get in the way of fully experiencing Your Spirit at work in my heart, soul, mind and body. Teach me to pursue You with total abandon, despite how much discomfort may come with it. May I learn to press more into You when things become uncomfortable.
3) Identity.
Almost any sin issue stems from an identity issue. Furthermore, believing lies about ourselves hinders our relationship with God. Because of this, we need to find our identity in Him, not in others.
But what does it mean to find your identity in Christ? That phrase is tossed around in the Christian community so often it has begun to lose its meaning and significance. Turns out, it’s actually quite simple.
What makes you feel worthy? Who makes you feel loved? Where do you feel accepted? What makes you feel good about yourself?
In one of the sessions, we were shown a diagram which illustrates a common pattern in our lives. First, we have our Self. Somewhere along the line, our Self becomes inadequate so we start to develop a False Self. In this False Self, we attempt to personify everything we think those around us want us to be. We bring to light only the things we view as our strengths, while we keep perceived weaknesses in the shadows.
Don’t try unless you know you won’t fail. I need to succeed.
Lock that fear away. I need to be brave.
Cover up that ugliness. I need to be beautiful.
Don’t contribute unless you can impress others. I need to be intelligent.
You can’t be yourself. I need to be perfect.
Don’t say anything stupid. I need to be funny.
Hide your weaknesses. I need to be strong.
Don’t let your guard down. I need to have it all together.
After a while, keeping up the charade of our False Self becomes exhausting. Deep down, we desire to show our True Self. But the path from our False Self to our True Self is extremely hard and uncomfortable. We no longer have the security of our False Self and we don’t yet have the identity of our True Self, so we find ourselves left hanging somewhere in between, exposed and vulnerable.
At this point in the journey, we come to a place of brokenness. It’s tempting to retreat back to the comfort of our False Self (or even create a new False Self), but it is here where God calls us to a different pathway: dependence on Him. It is only after we press into our brokenness and find ourselves completely dependent on Him that we are finally able to embrace our True Self.
We live from God’s approval, not for His approval (and not from or for anyone else’s).
It is also important to remember who we are and that we were created on purpose, for a purpose. The Lord spoke these words to my heart at training. You are a daughter of the King. You are unique. You are intelligent. You are passionate. You are beautiful. You are treasured. You are My temple. You are loyal. You are committed. You are feminine. You are strong. You are compassionate. You are adventurous. You are a delight to Me. You are loved.
4) Forgiveness is not optional.
Both forgiveness and “unforgiveness” have the ability to shape my heart. Bitterness empowers the message that’s attached to the wound. Forgiveness breaks the power of the message that’s attached to the wound.
“How we forgive is directly correlated to how well we understand how much we’ve been forgiven.” If we miss reconciliation, we miss the whole point of the Gospel.
5) Unity is a must-have ingredient for a team to work.
Unity was something that was prayed over X Squad (my group of 50 people) right out of the gate and continued to be a common theme throughout training camp.
On day three, we were required to hike two miles with our packs (and all our gear) on our backs. Two members of our squad didn’t make it. The next day when they were given a chance to try again, the whole squad decided to do the hike again too, right beside them.
This was our first opportunity to pull together as a squad and live out the idea that you not only win together, you also lose together. Even in failure, Jesus is still King and He will still be glorified, whether you chose to or not.
Seven days into training, we were given a scenario where we had to sleep in community tents. There were nine of us in each tent, plus all of our gear; it was pretty tight. Obviously, it wasn’t ideal to be packed in like sardines but at this point in training, none of us really cared and everyone ended up sleeping pretty well that night. It was pretty neat to see how all of our team building exercises really were helping us figure out how to pull together as a team (what? you mean I wasn’t doing all those ridiculous things for nothing?!).
In this^^team building scenario, we had to flip the towel over without touching the ground – with eight of us standing on it.
6) Inconvenience is an integral part of the race, so get used to it!
Cold water bucket showers. Enough said.
On day three, we were hit with our first sleeping scenario. These scenarios were developed from real life World Race situations straight from the field. In our first scenario, “the airline lost” half of our squad’s packs.
As you can imagine, this required that we share our gear with those unfortunate enough to lose their gear. Honestly, I was happy for the excuse to try out my hammock, so I gave my tent, sleeping pad, sheet and blanket to my partner and slept in my sleeping bag and hammock. I can’t say it was the best night of sleep I’ve ever had, but by the time training was over, I was sleeping in that hammock better than on a real bed!
On day five, we were given an airport scenario. All of our bags were lost this time, so we were stuck at the airport overnight (we had a 12 hour layover) with just the items in our day pack. The “airport” was inside one of the buildings. We weren’t allowed to move the chairs or sleep in aisles. In addition to the lights being on all night, there was an “airport noise” track played LOUDLY on repeat throughout the night.
Almost everyone had only brought their pillows and sleeping bag liners, so it got a little chilly throughout the night. Fortunately, my “pillow” was a blanket folded up in a pillowcase, so I was able to sleep on some warmth and padding with my sheet over me as a blanket. I think we all decided it would be a good idea to pack our sleeping pads in our daypacks after that scenario. Eye masks and earplugs wouldn’t be a bad idea either.
7) The Holy Spirit has habitation rights in your life, not just visitation rights.
This seems like a simple enough idea, but do I live out my daily life as if it were true? No. I tend to think of the Holy Spirit as an extra feature to the Christian life. Like having the “longest road” in Settlers of Catan – I don’t need it to win, but it sure does help (unlike the longest road though, the Holy Spirit doesn’t cost extra! Also unlike the longest road, we DO need the Holy Spirit).
It hit me hard, sitting there in the training session room, I’ve been treating the Holy Spirit as if He’s just a visitor in my life instead of an owner. How dare I forget about Him. How dare I take Him for granted. How many times do I chose to struggle with my sin alone instead of turning to one of the greatest and most accessible gifts I have as a believer? How many times have I been in a situation where all I’ve needed to conquer sin is an increased awareness of the Spirit in my life? Lord, please forgive me for cheapening and downplaying the gift of Your Spirit. Holy Spirit, make me more aware of Your presence in my life.
8) You are strong because of your femininity, not in spite of it.
This was a big one for me. Even at a young age I remember wishing I were a boy. It would be more fun. It would be less complicated. Less messy. Better. Not to mention my muscles would suddenly grow exponentially and transform my body into an athletic machine as soon as I hit puberty (I know that’s not always the case but I still remember being frustrated when my little brother could suddenly run faster and beat me at an arm wrestle without even breaking a sweat).
I had always prided myself on being strong despite being a woman. Even when someone would compliment me on my physical strength or speed I would find myself thinking, “yeah I guess that wasn’t too bad…for a girl.” It is a serious bummer that scientifically, men are the stronger gender. I have to be okay with that. But somewhere along the line, I let that transfer over to the spiritual and emotional realm. I began to think that because men are the head of the household and wives are called to submit to their husbands, that women are the lesser gender in all things, even spiritual.
The Lord began to break through those lies as I sat there in the women’s retreat session of training. We went back to the Garden and discussed why Satan chose to target Eve instead of Adam. Yes, perhaps because she was more vulnerable, but also, because of her influence over Adam. It is because of her femininity that she had such influence.
God has gifted both males and females with different character traits that reflect who He is. Different but equal. Different but beautiful. Different but strong. We are both His image bearers. And that is a beautiful thing.
9) Don’t confuse shame with guilt.
This wasn’t a mind blowing revelation at first, but the more we talked through it, the more I could see the potential for letting Satan walk all over me when I have these two things confused.
Shame is identity based (I am an idiot). Guilt is behavior based (I did a bad thing). Shame causes us to internalize or blow up – it never actually positively helps us. Guilt gets us to change a thing to work positively in our lives. Shame creates disconnection. Guilt serves to connect us with God and others. Shame is fear based. Guilt is love based. Shame condemns. Guilt convicts.
For so long, I’ve been playing the tape recorder that preys on past actions and feeds my shame. Just like with the woman caught in adultery in John 8, Jesus is the only one who can speak to my shame; He does not condemn me for any sin (even if it’s repetitive) because His blood already paid for it on the cross.
10) You will not conquer what you won’t confront.
It takes courage and strength to be vulnerable with others about my sin, but there is a tangible freedom connected with verbally confessing sin to others. Lies lose their power when they are brought into the light and confronted with the truth.
It’s hard. It’s messy. But it is good.
11) The Lord gives, and He takes away, but it is always for your good and His glory.
About a week into training, I was asked to lead my squad on a campout along with two other members of my squad, AT and Derik. We weren’t allowed to bring our tents but were given a few tarps and some rope (and anyone with hammocks could bring those). We were responsible for cooking our own dinner but food and firewood were provided.
We drove 20 minutes to a local state park and set up camp at our two campsites. We designated one for the sleeping tarps and the other for the hammocks, cooking and eating dinner, and worship together later in the evening.
When we arrived, we designated a few people to set up the tarps, others to gather additional firewood and start the fire, and the rest to start making dinner. Anyone with hammocks also set those up when they had a free moment.
For dinner, we had chicken and vegetables. We cut up the chicken and some of the vegetables and put them in a pan with coconut milk and a variety of spices and cooked that over the fire, and we made kabobs out of the rest of the vegetables and started grilling them over the fire. We also had a pineapple to cut and grill over the fire. All of the food was incredibly delicious and again, it was cool to see our squad pull together to get things done.
Once dinner was over, some of us went down to the lake for a swim. After a week of just bucket showers, the lake was especially inviting. We were also able to watch God paint a masterpiece of a sunset over the lake. Such quiet but magnificent beauty.
Later in the evening, we had a time of worship around the fire. We took turns “popcorning” hymns and worship songs for hours and ended in prayer. It truly was an incredible evening soaking up God’s presence together.
The next morning, we had to be ready to leave by 6:45. By some miracle, our entire squad made it in time. We even had time to scarf down bagels, apples and bananas before the vans arrived to pick us up.
After such a successful campout, I started to process through my leadership role. A few of my teammates and leaders told me I did a good job, but did I really, or were they just being nice? Or were they only encouraging because they felt they had to be? I’ve never really thought I had overwhelming leadership skills, but do I? Am I a leader? Is God calling me to lead?
I began to grow in confidence that the Lord might have a leadership role for me sometime in the future. Possibly a team leader? Then came all the thoughts if that were the case. Do I even want to lead? It sounds stressful. Would I really be a good leader?
Eventually, the Lord brought me to a place where I felt ready and even excited to step into a leadership position if I was offered one. Then day eight came. The day teams, and squad team leaders, were decided.
I was not chosen as a team leader. As disappointment started to set in, the Lord brought to mind some words that Joey, one of our squad leaders, had spoken to us a few hours earlier. The moment we reveal the team leaders, there will be two things Satan will try to tell you. The first one will be that I must be better than those not chosen. The second will be that I am not good enough. We are calling out those lies right now and ask that you reject them as soon as they surface. You are all equal. You are all good enough.
Thank you Lord for bringing those words to mind (and Joey for speaking them – and sorry for botching your eloquent words) because those are the very words I heard right away. I’m not good enough. But thanks be to God (and Joey’s wise words), I was able to identify the lies immediately and cast them straight back at the Enemy. I was not going to believe those lies. No, I was not going to even listen to them. I chose instead to hear what You say about me, Father. I am good enough. I am loved. I am valuable. I am precious. I am treasured. And I am Yours. I want to know Your plans for me so badly that I forget it is more important to know You more. Forgive me, Father. Thank You for showing me ultimate value.
Later that day, I found out I had been chosen to be the treasurer for my team. The Lord gave, He took, and He gave again. Glory to God.
Are you willing to trade His plans for you, for Him?
