Take Me As I Am

When I think about the endless possibilities and
capabilities of God, I feel like I can’t even wrap my mind around it. I know He
is great and almighty. He is a healer and restorer and true miracle worker, but
I find myself being surprised or still in awe when He pulls through in
situations or goes above and beyond my desires and requests. I know His word
says that if we trust in Him, He is His capable of infinitely more than we can
ask or imagine. This year He has really shown me that in so many ways. Often
times I wonder, “What am I doing here?? Who am I?” or “Who do I think I am??”
So many people that we come in contact with literally think we hung the moon,
and I always wonder why they think we are so special. I limit God and His
ability to use me. It’s almost egocentric in it’s own way… It’s amazing to me
how we, as humans, can always find a way to make things about ourselves, and
even sometimes mask it as humility.

I was reading in 1 Samuel this morning about Saul being
raised up in Israel. He was the focus of Israel’s hopes. When Samuel came to
Him to tell him of the call God had on his life, he responded in confusion
like, “Um…what? Me, Saul? I’m from the smallest Podunk town here in Israel. My
family is nobody, you couldn’t be talking about me!” Then, Samuel prepares this
huge feast and sits Saul at the head of the table and gives him the biggest
piece of medium-rare filet mignon, while the other 30+ guests snack on some cow
tongue! Then he takes him to the nicely prepared bed with a pillow top mattress
and down comforter blanket with luscious feather pillows and Egyptian cotton
sheets (can you tell I’ve been away from home for 6+ months…haha). All this was
done as he was about to be anointed king of a nation!! We all know Saul’s reign
didn’t work out so well, but you get the point! So…me and my team roll up into
these tiny villages made of mud huts and are welcomed like kings. Every word we
say is held onto and cherished. They make us tea with perhaps their only milk
for the week; they try to give us their kuku, which might be their only chicken
for the week. They give give give because they are so grateful we are there
to bring encouragement. Some of them might only know us for 5 minutes of their
life, yet they look at us like we are prophets. It blows my mind every time.
Through all this, I find myself laughing and once again downplaying God’s
ability to use me. Obviously I feel called to be here, but often times
unqualified. Instead of putting myself down, I need to remember the countless
people in the bible who felt like nobody’s that God rose up and used in a
powerful way… What about Moses? If you remember he was somewhat of a coward.
Aaron doesn’t get enough credit this day-in-age, but he was basically the voice
for Moses. Moses was constantly asking the Lord, “Who am I??” He worried
because He was not good with words. I love how the Lord responded, “Who made
your mouth? Who gave you a tongue and a voice? Who decides who can hear or
see?” God looks at us and see potential, hope, a future, a calling, a purpose.
I like to think that God doesn’t see me for who I am, but for who I am
becoming!