It’s the day before we, L Squad, get on a plane to head home. This adventure, this season is over. I sat on my cozy bed today writing letters to my teammates and I found myself overwhelmed with emotion, nearly frustrated. How the heck can I sum up a year of life, of ups and downs and of my appreciation and love for these people in one letter? Too much has happened. And the obvious answer is that, I cannot sum up 11 months of life and death, joy and sorrow, laughter and tears in one letter.
It’s impossible.
Sweet Aroma has become my family. L Squad is full of my brothers and sisters, yet on July 30th 2013, when we land at JFK – we will go our separate ways.
Think about it. 11 months. 24 hours a day. 7 days a week. 11 countries. — With the SAME people.
There’s a lot of emotion lingering, as we know the goodbyes are coming way too soon.
But it isn’t just the goodbyes. Goodbyes, believe it or not are nearly the easy part. See in three weeks, I will be seeing many of these same people in Georgia. And after that, many will always remain my brothers and sisters, whether we talk often or not. These people will always be a vital part of my life and story.
So, it isn’t just the goodbyes I mourn. But I mourn this season.
This season is over.
And I will never get it back.
I’m confident that I am to go home with no regret. No, “I wish I had done this” or “I wish I had done that”. It isn’t mourning regret.
It is mourning that I will be sleeping in a room alone. It’s mourning relationships that were built without technology. It’s mourning the beauty and mess that comes with living in raw community.
We’ve been talking about this day for a long time. But, we cannot comprehend that it is here.
Our minds cannot fathom being without one another. My mind cannot fathom that I will soon be able to go places alone. That I will not have to tell people where I am going. That I do not have to nearly pee my pants deciding that going in the yard is better than waiting for the only bathroom in the house. I will be drinking real coffee and cooking my own food. I can’t fathom it.
So, I ask for grace and prayers. As I enter “Month 12” of the race I seek to stand firmly on my newfound identity in Jesus Christ. That He is my rock. He is my salvation. And He is incredibly fond of me whether I am on the race or not. I seek to live out the life of the race at home. Living intentionally, knowing each day is a gift from the Lord. Loving with the love that only Christ, Himself can give.
As I prepare to leave the race I’ve got excitement and sadness coursing through my veins. I’m reminded that this world isn’t my home. And that though, in many ways I prefer living overseas to living in the USA, God is calling me back for a season.
It’s a good season. And a necessary season.
So, I may not have a car, a job, a home or money – but God is going to provide and this season will be good. It may not be easy but I will cling to the Father as I have learned to through the race.
He will be my strength.
He will be my constant.
Jesus is the One going home with me. I’m not going home alone. I’m going with a strengthened relationship with the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords. He’s proved more than faithful this year. He’s been more than good.
And I’m more than just a follower, I’m His daughter.
Oh, and just so you know. I am ecstatic to see those dear to my heart that I have so greatly missed over these past 11 months. Though, there is mourning, there is also much rejoicing!
