Most people who know me know that I have a strong dislike for tomatoes. In fact, I can’t stand them. I have threatened to ambush my mother’s tomato garden whenever she has “threatened” to feed me one of her allegedly “delicious” garden-ripe tomatoes. To be fair to me, I have tried again and again to like them. I will eat them if they are sun-dried or pulverized beyond description in marinara sauce, but put a raw red “apple of love” in my hand, and I will probably send it flying back at you.
So, with that being said, I’m sure that my Mom would be absolutely surprised to hear that I have been working on a tomato garden this month. Not only have I been working on tomatoes, but I have been fighting for their very survival, spending hours pulling any weed that threatens their existence. Now don’t get too excited. I am grateful we won’t be around when the ripe suckers are ready to pick and eat. But as I have been watering and weeding our plot of tomatoes, God has been teaching me a great deal about the ways that He tends the garden of my heart.
At the beginning of our time in Moldova, God spoke to our team about this final month on the World Race being one of restoration and reconciliation; then, several days ago, our team listened to a podcast about forgiveness and about not allowing deep roots of bitterness to grow. Later that day, as I was ripping out some thorny weeds in the tomato garden, God started speaking to my heart about some of the bitter roots that I have allowed to grow on the race. He started showing me how some of my thoughts and words have been resentful and how I have allowed frustrations to build up towards my teammates. Needless to say, I was none too happy about Him pointing things out in the icky parts of my heart.
Unforgiveness, like a weed, has deep roots. Sometimes, we think we have forgiven when we say, “I forgive you” and then pretend that everything is alright on the surface, even if we’re still reeling underneath. In those cases, it is like chopping off the surface of the weed while leaving the roots to remain and fester. Granted, forgiveness is not forgetting; when we forgive someone, it does not release them from the consequences, and it does not mean that we will forget. But, it does mean that we release them into God’s hands and do not harbor any vengeful spirits towards them.
When we genuinely forgive someone, something happens in our own hearts. God pulls out the bitter root of unforgiveness, and in its place, He pours His love, mercy, and grace. We are freed from the unforgiveness that choked and clogged our hearts from receiving His love in the first place. We recognize that God knows every deed, and in forgiving others, we are placing our trust in Him that He will correct and make the appropriate retribution in His perfect timing.
As I pulled weed after weed in the garden, I felt God pointing out weeds of unforgiveness in my own heart. I realized that little annoyances with my teammates had taken root into something deeper and nastier. My own pride and self-righteousness had kept me from acknowledging that I had forgiveness issues, and I knew that my growing frustrations with my teammates had to be more than just “them.” Rather, in this constant community where we have had to learn to live with each other 24/7 for eight straight months, I realized there were offenses I had kept in my heart that had developed into deep roots of unforgiveness.
Last night, I shared my heart with my team. I shared how I had let minor offenses breed bitterness and resentment, which had in turn led to unforgiveness. And I shared how God was showing me that I needed to extend forgiveness to my teammates, and that I was sorry I had let my frustrations towards them escalate. As I spoke out my heart and expressed both remorse and forgiveness, I felt God pull out the deep roots in my heart. I felt freedom in my heart and a sense of renewal and restoration in my relationships with my teammates.
We have eleven days left on the World Race, and I intend to make them the best days that I can. I am thankful that God’s love and grace covers a multitude of sins. I am grateful for His forgiveness and for His grace in teaching me how to forgive others.
I am also grateful that the tomatoes in our garden are weed-free and on their way to a fruitful harvest. Truth be told, though, I am especially grateful that we will not be around when those ripe red tomatoes are ready to eat. They can be someone else’s problem. 🙂
