I just want to clarify that this story happened quite a few weeks ago and its taken me a while to post it.
It was raining that night. Everyone was getting ready for bed, playing cards, having one-on-one’s with our squad leader Tara, or just hanging out. The power flickered out and turned the place absolutely black twice, each time sending my chest into anxiety. A few minutes before the lights had flickered out, I felt this feeling that someone was angry at me for passionately praying over a teammate the night before who was having anxiety. I remember that night I was very passionate about that it wasn’t of God and I prayed freedom over her as the whole team prayed over her. But this night, I felt someone was angry at me. I felt a little nauseous and woozy; I sat down and swayed in my seat a bit. I wasn’t feeling very well. Katie asked if I was okay. I couldn’t respond, or maybe I did and I said no. My breathing began to get heavy and quick, my heart began to race, and I leaned over and put my head in my hands. Anna asked me what was going on; I think I tried to answer that I didn’t know. My breathing was getting faster now, and I felt my heart racing like I never have before. I was getting scared now. Faster and faster until my breathing started trying to be sobs, and I felt a few tears slide down my cheeks. I feel like I had no control over my body. I was shaking. I was starting to not be able to feel my hands, and they grew numb. Kaitlyn tried to get me to look at her, but it was hard and I tried. I couldn’t really open my eyes. I think she tried to tell me something about control, and whatever it was helped me a bit in that moment. I think my teammates were scared for me. They called Tara over. She asked me what it was I was feeling and I think I finally mustered out that I thought someone was angry at me for praying over a teammate. They were praying over me, some rubbing my back, someone holding my knee, and they prayed over this place. They asked if I felt better. I said a little. They began to worship, and they worshipped into the night for a long time. Slowly I felt better. I felt weak, but better, and things began to slow. My hands regained feeling, and I began to try and open my eyes.
So that night we experienced our first intense bit of spiritual warfare. In the moment itself, I wasn’t thinking it was spiritual warfare; I didn’t know what was going on with me. I was so scared and hardly had control of my body. The next night, we opened up discussion about spiritual warfare, and saw that we were beginning to do more things that made the devil angry. We’re a team on this. We stick together, we’re here for each other, and we’re praying. This was an attack against the team, not just me.
It makes me angry now. Angry that he dared touch a daughter of The King. Angry that fear even took a step into my life and has had so much power over me. Because it doesn’t, and shouldn’t. God has not given me a spirit of fear, but of POWER, LOVE, AND SELF-CONTROL/A SOUND MIND. As much as I’m scared it’ll happen to me again, and I did challenge him, it won’t stop me from praying over a teammate again. I’ll keep on praying, I’ll keep on fighting and kicking his thoughts to the curb because he is not welcome here in this place. Fear fills me, but fear is not of God. I don’t care if me praying over a teammate gets on his stupid nerves, I’ll keep doing it. The enemy has no power here that God cannot overcome.
“When I said, ‘My foot is slipping,’ Your love, O Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul.” Psalms 94:18-19
“This Ends Tonight” by Luminate has been my fight song towards this and I’m pretty sure it was a song written in that direction anyway, so give it a listen if you want.
Prayer Requests:
Please pray for strength and confidence. Please pray for protection over our hearts and minds and that anxiety or any way the enemy tries to attack will be averted.
Update on Ministry:
Each month has been different here for ministry. Weeds, church, discipleship at the orphanage on Fridays, and watching kids for the women’s Bible study on Tuesdays are our routine. The month of November a program is launching here at La Red called La Casita program which is aimed towards the kids around here to help them dream about a future. Our role will be to help teach the classes. So prayers for us to teach and communicate well and show love, even when frustrated. And also update; Team Meek will be joining us here at our ministry and they’re moving in with us! WOO GAP SQUAD E FAM!
