Hey you! Play Needtobreathe – “Where the Money Is” while reading this post! It’ll make your experience fascinating!
I. TECHNICALLY. HAVE A WEEK. TO RAISE $9K.
*INSERT PANIC FACE crazy monkey screaming pulling hair out*
I’ve gotta be the hugest procrastinator. Last minute every minute. All day everyday.
Let’s cut to the chase!
This is my cry for help. I can’t do this without you.
FUNDRAISING
My heart flutters anxiously in my chest as I think about this challenge. The challenge of fundraising looks like a giant mountain I could never ever climb. But yet, this journey requires it, so I have to learn to scale the mountain. Onward to conquer!
Here’s some things you should know:
My next deadlines are:
July 2nd, 2015: $9,000 – Online donations need to be submitted by June 26th.
August 21st, 2015: Total amount – Online donations need to be submitted by August August 16th-ish.
And I have a little over $2,000. I’m freaking out.
It’s my own fault for being so behind on fundraising and such. Honestly, I have a great deal of fear, anxiety, and doubt in my heart that I will ever be fully funded. I have been so busy with work and other things running crazy that I haven’t been able to focus on the things I need to focus on like fundraising. Then I look at my squad-mates and struggle with comparison about what they’re doing so well on. How come they feel so close to God right now and I don’t? How come they are having these accomplishments fundraising and are so inspirational? They have some of their gear already and I can’t find the time to do that. I’m not feeling the things they are feeling, whats wrong with me and why don’t I feel that? (Somebody slap me, “Getcha head in the game!”)
“You of little faith. Why do you doubt?” Yes, I know, I don’t know why.
This is something very hard, very vulnerable, for me to say. I don’t like asking for money, I don’t like saying I feel like a failure out loud, I don’t like saying that I’m hurting, I don’t like saying I’m not up to par with things like everybody else. Of all things, looking pitiful is one of the things I despise for people to see of me, and its what I show the most I think. And I guess I feel like I’ve tried to put up a front about it, that I’m tough stuff (and failing, because I’m the most sensitive person ever) trying to be a sporty tomboy (and failing because I’m the most sensitive person ever, and those hot neon pink shoes look really good sometimes).
So the truth is… I stink. I’m miserably insecure, I feel like the lowest of the low, I struggle with self image and self confidence. I lack. I lack so much. Yet God calls me to this awesome adventure? Like I keep saying, I don’t feel right for all this, unworthy. Yet at the same time I feel perfect, everything is falling into place, and God is showing me things I will need to work on before the trip and things that He will need to change in me while on the trip. Already He’s changed my heart in so many ways: I’m no longer as fear-filled as I once was. My heart is more open to the changes that will need to take place in it, but I still fear other things. God knows what He’s doing, even when I don’t understand or don’t like it. All this is stretching me far more than I ever have.
I’m thankful, I’m thankful for how this is pushing me. Beyond my limits, beyond my fears, beyond my failures, beyond my comfort zone, way beyond me. If this is how I need to become the person God wants me to be, then so be it, I want in.
I launch Sept. 5th or 6th from Atlanta. Launch consists of the actual few days before we fly out. There’s last minute training, team meets, squad meets, and more. Then we leave, for foreveeer… I try not to think too much about the actual leaving, because I will cry this time. Like, I will BAWL. I haven’t really been an extremely emotional person until this year (for example, I have never cried for movies. now all the sudden I do.) so I don’t think I’ll be able to hold it this time. (and I pray for my team to be understanding when such tears and crazy ever happens. because I’m hard to understand.)
One of the big things that all World Racer peoples and alumni and such are saying is to have no expectations. It’s really quite impossible to NOT come with expectations. Even when you think you haven’t made any, you have. (but you try not to anyway, m’kay?) I believe this next year will be a year of healing, growth, pain, and joy beyond belief. I’ll be stretched beyond my limits and have to truly learn to rely fully on God.
My support letters are now in circulation. If you would like one, please don’t hesitate to contact me via my blog here or on Facebook. But if you are here looking at my blog and would like to financially support me, you could click the Support Me tab on the left, and I would greatly appreciate it!
