“Your hair looks better straight.”
“You should put your hair up; it looks better that way.”
“You shouldn’t have cut your hair short, it’ll look better when it grows out.”
“Stop changing your hair! You look ugly like that. I can’t love someone who looks ugly. If you do it again, I won’t be your boyfriend anymore.”
“Oh… you cut your hair… nice…” The question mark on her face made me doubt her sincerity.
I’ve always pretended like I didn’t care all that much. It’s my hair and I’ll do what I want with it! I acted as though everything I did with my mane was a rebellion.
In reality, I was trying everything to get a better reaction. I was desperately searching for a way to look in the mirror and like what I saw.
I just wanted to be pretty. Not even beautiful, stunning or gorgeous, just pretty.
Eventually, I gave up.
August 2012 was the last time I cut my hair and I was determined to grow it into something worth bragging about. Maybe then people would at least say I was pretty. Maybe then I’d have something to distract people from the bright red dots that covered my face too.
I told people it was to save money while I was in college. I told that lie so many times that I started believing it myself.
Once my hair got to a certain length, people did start telling me how great it looked. Some people even told me they were jealous of my long, thick curls!
It worked! Better than I had hoped! I didn’t realize that those compliments were cementing lies in every nook and cranny of my mind.
Each strand was a snake. Millions of serpents were making their way down my back, deceptively.
They were waiting for the right time to constrict around my heart and crush it. They were all that I had to hold onto. Vipers, boas, anacondas. They looked harmless enough to me.
I felt it getting heavier but it was my burden to bear. I’ll tough it out. I don’t want to be ugly again.
You are what people think of you…
That thought had been playing on repeat in the back of my mind for so long I forgot it was there. The snakes whispered in my ears… Well at least people think you’re pretty.
I thought I was clutching a rope but I was grasping onto something venomous, sinking its fangs into my arms as I gripped it. I was sure I would fall into nothing if I let go. Once again I’d be no one special.
Cut them off… I kept hearing God say it loud and clear but that rope seemed so nice and comfortable. without it I felt like I would have nothing. I was certain I would fall to my death because everything below me looked dark and foreboding.
I would fall to my death if I let go, I was sure of it. Only God could see that I was dying anyways.
10 seconds of insane courage…
“I’m here for a haircut,” I blurted to the Thai lady behind the counter.
Immediately, I saw the fangs spring up from each end of what I thought were my lovely locks. I looked down and saw the damage their bites had caused. Ribbons of crimson flowed from every orifice. I had been bleeding out for a while now and somehow I had no idea.
I finally allowed my eyes to be opened.
The snakes began writhing in pain as the man with the purple hair came behind me with shiny blades. One sweeping motion and… the creatures’ power was no more.
Every expectation of who I should be fell to the clear mat beneath me. Dead as the serpents that once tangled them onto me.
I began to fall into the darkness below only to find that someone was there to catch me. Someone I knew I could hold onto. Jesus was there, singing over me with joy.
In Zephaniah 3:17 God says, “The Lord your God is with you; the mighty One will save you. He will rejoice over you. You will rest in his love; he will sing and be joyful about you.”
He takes joy in me. He doesn’t make mistakes. That’s the capital T Truth. It’s Not because anyone else says so but because God says so.
I surrendered my identity to the Lord and now I’m holding onto His arms for dear life. His arms are stronger than rope and more life-giving than the vipers in disguise.
I challenge you to spend some time with the Lord today. Ask Him if there has been anything spoken over you that you’re believing over Truth.
Take action. Cut it off. Leave it off. Hold onto His arms. Breathe Freedom.
