Enjoying the fall leaves in Bucharest, Romania during month 4 debrief.
Being on the Race for 4 months, some things that are not the norm have become our new normal. Here are a few examples:
Normal: Wearing the same pair of jeans, everyday.
Normal: Tag-team showers.
Normal: Clean means you’ve run cold water over your dishes.
Normal: Washing your underwear in the shower with you so you can wear them the next day.
Normal: Being gassy, always.
Normal: Choosing clothes for function over fashion.
Normal: A loaf of bread and peanut butter is breakfast and dinner…and sometimes lunch.
Steven eating some delicious pb and j during debrief.
Normal: Playing frogger across a 6 lane road because you don’t want to walk to the corner to cross.
Normal: Starting a conversation with “Do you speak English?”
Normal: Smelling your clothes before you put them on; smelling your water bottle before your drink out of it.
Normal: 20 hour bus rides.
Normal: Throwing toilet paper in the garbage can.
Normal: Fitting 8+ people in a room with all their stuff.
Our room at debrief- 8 girls and our junk. I made a fort each night on the bottom bunk!
These are just a few examples of what life on the Race looks like on a daily basis. On a more serious note, I’ve been processing what God has been doing in my life the first 4 months and have come up with some new norms for myself. The newest norm I’m currently living in is this:
I AM ENOUGH.
Let me explain more how I’ve gotten here. After 4 months on the Race, we have a debrief with AIM staff. They want to check in with us to make sure we’re healthy in all aspects of life. While we celebrate the growth we’ve seen so far, they challenge us to go deeper, to take risks and not hold back.
Caroline spoke about past hurts and how they’ve shaped who we are today. She explained 5 “prisons” that we choose to live in, even though the door is open for us to leave at any time. The 5 prisons are:
1. Comparison
Always asking, “Do I measure up?” Roots of rejection, seeking validation
2. Regret
Roots from a fear of failure, effects your decisions
3. Bitterness
Hurts that have lead to anger, which leads to unforgiveness, which leads to bitterness
4. Excuses
Have an excuse for everything; nothing gets dealt with because person doesn’t take responsibility for himself
5. Withdrawal
Close up, pull back, step down
After she spoke, we were given time to reflect on which prison we were currently in and why we’re still in it.
Let’s just say, I’ve been behind bars in all five.
I’ve realized the majority of my life I’ve identified the authority figure in my life, (teacher, parent, coach, etc) and done everything in my power to make them happy, to make them like me, for them to be pleased by me. Good grades, high scorer whatever it was that I thought would satisfy what they were looking for.
This transferred into my relationship with God. I always had to do more and be better to please Him, to earn His love. If I didn’t have a long enough quiet time, I wasn’t good enough. If I didn’t share my faith enough or serve enough, I wasn’t worthy. This wrong thinking lead to periods of drought in my walk because I didn’t think I could reconcile my shortcomings.
The reality is, I can never do that on my own nor do I need to. That’s the beauty of grace, its undeserved merit. I’m enough for God just they way I am. I am enough.
God won’t love me more or less based on what I do, I’m enough just they way I am.
I am enough. I am enough. I am enough.
This is the resounding truth I’m processing in my life. It’s my new norm.
I am enough for God and so are you.
You are enough.
Just the way you are.
I think someone else needed to hear this truth.
Join me in the jail break as we break out of our prisons!
A few of my squadmates and I in Bucharest.
The beautiful fall colors leading up to the Parlimentary Palace.
