Me and my friends at Boom Boom Bar
If I could sum this month up in one word it would be obedience.
Going in, I knew I would have a hard time with bar ministry in general- the scene, the sin, the late hours… but the World Race is all about stretching you outside of your comfort zone. So I went.
After the first week in the bars, my team leader asked if anyone would prefer to stay back and intercede instead of meeting girls. I’m sure everyone was shocked when I said I’d continue to go out. I was certain God wanted me there. I kept hearing the words:
Just show up.
So I did. Monday, Wednesday and Friday night for 3 weeks. We left the house at 9 pm and came back a little after midnight. I went to bars with my teammates and made friends with prostitutes. We ordered Cokes and Fantas and played bar games in attempts to get to know them.
It came as no surprise that they share a similar story. Most girls are from Isaan, a poor area in the northeast part of the country. Their culture tells them they are to provide for their family because it is the eldest daughter, not son, who is considered the breadwinner.
From an early age, most daughters of Isaan are resigned to the fact that they will become prostitutes in order to provide for their family. When weighing the other options- factory work or selling food, selling your body provides much more income.
I’ve been forced to consider many “what ifs” this month. What if… I were a daughter of Isaan? has been a difficult one to swallow.
If I could put the typical bar girl story in terms of my family, it would look something like this: Mom and Dad left Matthew and I in the care of Grandma and Grandpa Mueller while they went off to Chicago to find work. My grandparents became hostile toward me for being “another mouth to feed” while they lavished gifts on Matthew. Once I was ‘old-enough’ at age 13, I would leave my rural farm home and head to Milwaukee where I could sell my virginity for $1,000. Once I was established in the sex trade, Mom and Dad would quit their jobs and move home with Matthew in order to live off of my salary. I would keep enough money to survive and send the rest home to my family in order that they could “keep face,” a very important part of our culture. Matthew would never be expected to work and could spend his time as he pleased. I would be welcomed in my family as long as the money came in; if not, I would be considered a harlot and rejected from my family.
This is just the brief version of too many girls’ stories. It doesn’t include the intense emotional and physical abuse these girls deal with their entire life.* Thankfully, I was blessed with an incredible childhood and was playing in MAYSA soccer tournaments at age 13 instead of providing for my family.
So, back to the bars and being obedient.
The days came and went and it was finally time for our last night out. We made our rounds to the bars to say goodbye to each of our friends. As we were leaving the first bar we sat at on the first night, a bar girl came up to me and grabbed my arm.
“Are you going? Why you never sit at my bar? I like you…you different.”
Déjà vu.
It was the same girl that grabbed my arm the first night and sang the song “Take Me Away.” I asked her name and if she wanted to get coffee the next day. She excitedly agreed and gave me her number.
We finished saying our goodbyes and headed home. Goodbye Bangla Road.
The next afternoon, my teammate Kristin and I headed back to Patong to meet Amy. She ran excitedly to meet us- it was like a girls day out! We decided to get ice cream and sat down in Swensons, a popular ice cream parlor. We placed our order and asked Amy her story.
Enjoying ice cream at Swensons.
Like most girls, she was from Isaan and was here to make money for her family. She spent one month “going home with customers” before she told her bar manager she couldn’t do it. She changed bars and now serves as a greeter/bartender.
Amy is also engaged. The dream of most bar girls is to meet a farang, or foreigner, who will take them back to their countries as wives. Unfortunately, many of these proposals lead to broken promises and heartbreak. Amy is planning to leave for England in 6 months.
After hearing a bit of her story, I was eager to ask her another question.
“Amy, why did you notice me? Why did you say I was…different?”
“Oh…because you, you like… TOMBOY!”
I busted a gut laughing. The whole ice cream parlor glanced in our direction and I tried to tone it down a bit. Kristin and I had just talked about how we were “tomboys” growing up and my new friend clearly still saw this personality trait in me.
Amy spoke English very well and went on to explain that in Thailand “tomboy” means lesbian.
Ahh! I thought. I am clearly not a lesbian and I don’t want this to be a ‘lost-in-translation’ awkward moment.
She went on to explain that she knew tomboy had a different meaning in America and reassured me she didn’t think I was a lesbian. Whew!
“But you are different… you strong and walk like this.” Amy proceeded to imitate me and my gait. We finally understood that “different” meant athletic and confident…and slightly uncomfortable in the bars.
Okay, now I get it.
We were able to tell Amy about SHE Ministries and the job opportunities available to her there. Even if she were leaving for England in 6 months, she would be able to work in a respectable job, develop new skills for her future and have a community of people to support her.
We enjoyed the rest of our ice cream and said our goodbyes. It was just like hanging out with my girlfriends back home. As we walked away from the ice cream parlor, it hit me.
Just show up.
There was nothing special I did in Amy’s life, I just showed up. Whatever she saw in me, it was enough for her to initiate conversation. She has all the information needed to get out of the bars; it’s her choice. I don’t know what her future holds but we’ve loved on her (a rarity in her life) and given her hope for a better future.
Spending time with Amy was the perfect way to end our month of ministry in Phuket. I showed up, I was obedient and God is at work. My heart for prostitutes has drastically changed- they don’t want to be here and they’re desperate for a way out. Pray that Amy and the hundreds of other girls like her would be “taken away” from this life style.
Below is a recap video of our month. The song we are singing was written by a gal named Sabrina who was also serving at SHE during our time there. It became our theme song. Enjoy!
*If you would like a more detailed telling of a typical bar girl’s story, I just finished Only 13: The Story of Lon by Julia Manzanares and Derek Kent. At age 13, Lon left her small Isaan village for Bangkok in hopes to provide for her family and allow them to “make face.” By the end of the book, you have a better understanding of the culture these girls are raised in and why they make the choices they do. Check out their website for more info: www.only13.net
My team for the month- Team POWAHOUSE!
L to R: Kristin, me, Lauren, Annee, Lindsey
